Time and Secrets
by embracing
Summary: Will the past repeat itself when Wendy's granddaughter and Peter's grandson meet? Is Neverland to be forgotten forever now that Peter has left? My first FanFic, so please R&R! Rating for language at beginning...
1. Dreams

**Em**

I'm in Kensington Gardens doing my usual route. I love this part of my run. As I'm running past the tennis courts I see a guy who can't serve playing with what must be one of his mates, who's getting impatient with his friends playing skills.

I'm still looking at them when I hear a, "WATCH OUT!" from a bit to the side of me.

I see a guy, he's running backwards about to catch a football and is about to hit me. He falls back on top of me, spinning me around as I fall.

He scrambles off me.

'Are you okay?' he asks. I don't feel so well, but I think I can stand up. I nod to him and try to stand. But I feel really dizzy, so I fall back onto the ground.

'Okay, maybe standing up isn't so good,' I say holding my temples. He kneels me beside me and looks at me, like a doctor does to a patient

'I'm so sorry, I didn't see you coming,' he says indicating to the football. But I can barley hear him because my world is spinning. The guy who must have chucked the ball runs over.

'Are you okay?' he asks. I lie back onto the ground groaning.

I don't know what's happening to me. I'm sore everywhere. A face appears in front of mine that looks similar to the guy who tripped over me. Through all the pain I'm in, I can't help thinking that he is really cute. But then everything goes black and I can't feel anything.

'Shit, she's unconscious, do you think I've killed her, what if she had a really bad disease and I've made it worse?'

'Look she'll be fine. See, she's stirring. Besides you only fell over her.'

I slit my eyes open, and see a tree that's out of focus. It comes into view properly and I lay there for a couple of minutes tunning out of the conversation I was listening to. I hear footsteps starting to run away from me. I can hear everything. The birds rustling in the trees, the wind dancing through the grass, and I hear someone step beside me. I wince; my sinuses seem very sensitive at the moment.

I get up slowly.

'How long have I been out?' I ask.

The guy that I thought was cute walks over. He smiles at me and I realise that I was right.

'Oh, only a few minutes,' he says and sits beside me.

'My brother is the one who knocked you over,' he says, 'He's really sorry about it.'

'That's okay, it was mainly my fault, if I had been looking it wouldn't have happened in the first place.' I get up, but find my world tilting heavily and fall back onto the ground again.

'Still can't stand up,' I say. He smiles.

'My brother has gone to get the car, it might take a while, because he'll have to explain to my parents,' he says.

'Oh that's okay, I'll be fine, I'll just lie back until I feel a bit better and I'll run back to my place, it's okay,' I say, hoping he'll just go away. I feel so humiliated, and if I am in his presence any longer, I think I'll continue humiliating myself; I just can't get a word out right.

'Now, my brother may have knocked you over, and I may have no idea what to do, but I know that you have to get driven home.' Suddenly it hits me.

'You can drive?' I ask, almost afraid of his answer. He laughs.

'Oh no, far from that, Jack my brother can,' he says flashing me a smile. 'Do you want to start over?' he asks me, lying back with me, staring up at the sky like me.

It's a beautiful Sunday morning and the sky is completely clear, even for a spring morning in England.

'What do you mean?'

He leans on his shoulder turning to face me. 'I mean start over. Hi, I'm Cameron, my brother just knocked you over, but I think you're okay. I go to school here in England and it's holidays at the moment so I'm enjoying the spring sun. I live around here near Kensington Gardens, and have for my whole life, and I would like to learn more about you.'

'Okay, can I just point out a couple of minor problems with that intro. You just told me a lot about you, but you know nothing about me. And so you don't know that I might actually be a serial killer, and get victims brothers to bump into me, so I can get to know the victims,' I say smiling.

'But I know that you're not a serial killer.'

'How?'

'No serial killer would look as pretty as you,' he says.

'Excuse me? You shouldn't judge people on what you look like! For all we know she could be a serial killer,' I say pointing to a woman, 'but you get a brownie point for being nice,' I say adding a smile.

He laughs.

'Brownie points? We're onto them now?'

'Yes!'

'Who are you?' he asks suddenly serious, but his eyes still smiling.

So I tell him all about me. I find that I can tell him heaps. We sit there for what seems like hours, but must only be about fifteen minutes chatting and I feel like I know him really well. Surprisingly I tell him about mum's cancer.

He helps. He doesn't give bad advice or tell me how to feel, he just listens. He tells me about his life and I feel like I know him really well. He's so cute and he talks too, not like any of the other guys I know. He tells me of his family problems and they sound the same as mine. I don't tell him anything about dad. I don't think I know him well enough for that, although I did tell him about mum. I don't know why I did exactly, it just sort of blurted out of my mouth. I guess I'd just bottled it up for a bit to long.

I have a great time. I find my energy, like I haven't even fallen over, so I lead him, climbing up trees and laughing at the people in the park. I really like him, the way he talks, the way his eyes glaze over when he talks about something he enjoys, the way his eyes are laughing all the time, and the way he always smiles. I'd really like to get to know him better.

We are talking about music when suddenly I gasp and grab my head.

'What's the matter?' he asks. I can't answer, there's so much pain. I fall back onto the ground with a thud.

'Em? What's the matter?' he asks. All I can do is shake my head. I can't see anymore, there's just a bright light. And slowly it fades. But I can't hear anything.

The light goes and is replace by a beautiful world. It's weird. It's really beautiful, but there isn't any sunlight, and there are ice crystals covering everywhere. There are trees I've never seen before and beautiful beaches along the coast of the place. It looks sad and lonely, but at the same time completely alive. Slowly as though everything is waking up, the ice melts, the sun comes out and all the flowers burst into bloom.

It's so beautiful. It's like an extraordinary world that has only been made for dreams.

I feel as though I'm flying. It makes me feel as though I'm truly happy. Happy throughout my body. A feeling I've never felt before. I just want to burst with pride. Every part of my body is bright with light and I look at the ground. I find that I am hovering above the ground. I smile and dive towards the forest. There I find a waterfall and bath myself in it. But as I see my reflection, I find it's not me, but someone else.


	2. Sitting and Waiting

**A/N: **Hey, I just worked out how you do one of these things. Anyway here's another chappie, hope you enjoy! I'd just like to say that if I get anything wrong, like anything in England (well that would be because I live in Sydney), or anything wrong that happened differently in the book, just tell me and I'll change it.

**Cam **

Jack arrives just as Em faints again. We lift her into the truck and take her straight home.

Dad takes her into his surgery. Because our house is so big we have dad's work here in the house as well. We wait while he does tests on her. It just doesn't make any sense. She must be dehydrated, or stressed, or something, why would she be getting such bad headaches?

Jake and I are both pacing the waiting room as dad comes out. He takes of his gloves and washes his hands slowly.

'So?' Jack asks. We both look at him expectantly. He looks up and smiles at us both fretting.

'She's going to be okay I think, but she's in a fragile state at the moment we have to wait till the test results come back. There doesn't seem to be any medical reason for her headaches. It could be something personal, something that we can't tell through practical test, like if she's dehydrated. But I'm not really sure that she can be taken home yet. I want to ask her a couple of questions, and I'm pretty sure that she can't be moved a great distance.'

Jack looks relieved, but I'm not sure about dad's answer. No medical reason? That's not possible, you can even tell if a person is dehydrated doing tests, right? We go into dad's room, and move Em into an old nursery that we haven't used in a while.

I think of all the stuff she told me. It was as though there was a tap on her mouth and she couldn't keep the stuff from flowing out. Not that I minded though. I just feel terrible. She had a really hard time last year, but my life's perfect. And I don't think anything will change that.

I told her so much about myself too. Stuff that I never thought I'd tell anybody. She was just so nice. Sitting there, listening to me smiling and nodding.

She's a great listener. She didn't sit there fiddling. But looked up at the sky, her eyebrows knitted together with concentration. She didn't give any crap advice either, just slowly asked me what I wanted and then helped me figure out what to do.

It wasn't even as though I had heaps of problems either. I just told her how I was sick of everybody wanting me to go in the same footsteps as my father. They all want me to be just like him. They have given up on Jack, just because he doesn't want to go to Uni. Nobody wants to listen or hear that I don't want to be a doctor. Only Peter understands.

It's weird, it seemed as though Em could relate to everything I had said. But she hadn't mentioned her father. For some reason I feel like I know her really well.

I smile as I remember her laughing when I told her about Peter, my grandfather who insists on us all to call him Peter as anything else makes him sound to old. Her laugh was so beautiful. Her eyes crinkled at the edges and she clutched her stomach rocking back and forth. It hadn't even been that funny. But we had both been talking about such tense things that it lightened everything up.

We sat under the tree baking in the sunlight that occasionally escaped from the leaves clutches. She took her hair out after a while and let her long golden locks dance around her head. Her intense blue eyes were running as she mischievously grinned at me, her plump lips widening and showing off her straight teeth. She looked a lot better, as though she hadn't even passed out. She was laughing, and acting, well, I guess acting like she normally does. She stood up and grabbed my hand and started climbing the tree, one handed.

'What are you doing?' I had yelled at her. Letting go of my hand she said:

'What do you think, going to the top!' She leapt up the tree like a monkey, but looking as graceful as a dancer at the same time. She reached the top and sat down in a branch. She looked down at me expectantly.

'So are you coming or what?' she yelled down at me grinning. I grinned back and started slowly climbing my way up.

'You're as slow as an old man,' she told me when I finally reached her. We talked a bit up there. But mainly looked about us as people passed through the gardens. We saw a couple of Asian tourists point at us and took photos. At one point Em laughed and pointed to some tennis players.

'See that guy who can't serve playing one of his mates?' she asks me.

'Yeah,' I say smiling.

'Well, that was the person I was looking at before your brother knocked me over,' she said and laughed, her whole face lighting up again.

After that we made our way back down the tree because an old cranky guy started yelling at us saying that we shouldn't be there and that he'd chuck us out of the gardens.

I enjoyed her company so much, and then this. It doesn't add up. She was perfectly fine. Not any normal person can run up trees like she did after they have been unconscious. She's a great person, and I want to get to know her better, if she doesn't think I'm a jinx or something.

Jack smiles at me bringing me back to the present.

'Who were you thinking about?' he asked. I smile and shake my head.

'Well whoever _she_ is I give you my luck with it,' he says grinning and walking out of the room. I smile to myself and go up to the nursery where Em is. I walk slowly there, as I walk past I look at the photo's on the wall. It's like watching a movie. You see Peter, when he first adopted my dad, and my many uncles. Then you see them grow up. Then a whole lot of Christmas photos, where some new additions like my mum and Aunt Mary come in the photos. It goes on like that, until it stops at the very last photo, one we took last year, of the whole family. It's a nice photo because everyone's smiling and having a good time. Then I turn into Em's room.

The room is one that I have rarely been in, but I apparently loved when I was smaller. My grandfather built it when he first bought the house. It is supposed to be the exact duplicate of another room that my grandfather loved when he was younger. I don't know where the other is, but I have as feeling that it's in London at least. The room has a tall lengthways stainless glass window. Out of the window there's a little edge with a small fence around it like a small balcony. It's built the same as an old English nursery and has four beds around it.

As I stare at the yellow walls I can understand why as a child I had loved this room. It was like a child's dream, filled with toys and books on pirates and adventures. A couple of plastic swords lay in a basket while a fantastic old hat sits on the shelf.

I look at Em and smile. She looks so peaceful, but her face has creases of pain in it. Her longs golden hair bounces as she rolls over in her sleep.

My dad enters the room looking a bit concerned.

'I've tried to get hold of her mother, but when I tried it seemed that she wasn't there. I looked her up and tried her work, but it seems that some family problem has occurred. Do you know anything about it?' her asks me.

I have a think. Nothing comes to mind. She didn't say anything like that. I shake my head.

'Okay then. I'll have to contact the police and tell them that we have her in case her mum has gotten worried and called them.' He vanishes out of the room murmuring under his breath. After today had been so good, it's left with a bad ending.

I look back at Em. She looks so fragile. Not at all like the girl I met earlier this morning.

Her mother calls later sounding distressed. She comes over and looks terrible. Her own mother has just died. Apparently just when Em was going for a run. She looked relived when she saw Em, as though she almost calmed her. She had a book with her and an overnight bag. She planned to stay the night and had organised it with dad. As I looked at it, I saw that it was a photo album and a little notebook put into one. She smiled at me, when she saw I was looking at it.

'It's my mothers, she gave it to Em… she just gave it to Em,' she says, her voice chocking up as she finds the words.

Other than that I didn't talk to her often. She was often in the nursery (which she had told dad looked familiar to her, but she couldn't quite place why) looking after Em. She kept to herself. Planning the funeral, but waiting for Em to wake up before she made any finally decisions.

After a while, she got a bit depressed. With her mother dead, and Em unconscious for so long, she started worrying a lot. Dad suggested that she go to work, to take her mind off a couple of things for a little while. She considered it, and then went to work after Em had been unconscious for a week.

I go into the nursery and sit down on one of the beds. It had been a while since I had seen Em. Her mum had always been with her, so I hadn't wanted to disturb them. I just feel like escaping. Everything seems to be going from bad to worse. I look out the window and imagine myself flying out of it. Sometimes I just want to escape forever.

I hear a rustle and look over at Em, and see that she's stirring.

**A/N: **I'd just like to say thanks to my two first reviewers:

**I luv tootles:** thanks heaps, I hope it's as good as your expectations!

**Leigh A. Sumpter: **Umm, I have no actual age for Cam and Em, I was thinking in the middle of there teenage years, does that suit? Anyway, I'd like to say thanks for reviewing, you're the one that inspired me to write in the first place.

Please read and review!


	3. Sadness

**A/N: **Hey, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated yet! I've been working on a different chapter, and I forgot I hadn't posted this one yet. I'd just like to say that I don't own the Grinspoon lyrics, Better Off Alone, I'd love to have written them, but I haven't. I choose this song to go with this, because at the time I was writing this chapter, I was listening to this song. This chapter means a lot to me, because someone close to me died, and I want to express how I felt when it happened. I hope you like this chappie! please R&R!

I never gave a reason

Of why I didn't call,

And now I've grown so tired

Of lying to yourself.

I wake up, finding myself lying in someone's bed. I have no idea where I am.

I look around the room and find Cameron looking at me. He looks relived. Why is he here, I can feel myself get panicky, what's happened?

'Where am I?' I ask trying to keep calm. There's a guy here that I hardly know, lying in a room, I have no idea where. I look about the room and see that it resembles an old English nursery. It's a beautiful old room, which seems familiar in some way. It's a creamy yellow colour, with a huge window with stained glass that is the main attraction.

'I took you home with Jack, in the truck. My dad, the doctor, did a couple of tests on you,' he tells me.

'What?' I ask rubbing my head, wondering at the dream I had, remembering the intense pain I had gone through before having it.

'My dad, he's a doctor, he owns his own surgery and examined you while you were unconscious, he'll probably want to do some tests on you now while you're awake,' he adds looking around the room.

'But why aren't I at home?' I ask. I don't want to know how long I've been out, but he tells me anyway.

'Well, since you were out over the night we contacted your mum. But when we got the test result back, we found that it would be unwise to move you,' he said quite quickly looking down at his hands. He looked very uncomfortable. He looked a bit confused, like he wasn't really sure why I was here either.

'Oh, so I was only out for a night,' I say a bit relieved, but I don't let that on, I've got a feeling that Cam hasn't said all that's needed to be said.

'Actually it's been a week,' he says wincing.

'Oh my god!' I exclaim falling back down on the bed. I grab the back of my head and gasp, the pain comes back a little, it's not as intense as before, but luckily the light is just in the background.

I close my eyes and hear Cameron get up quickly and walk out of the room. I can feel the sun shining on my eyes, making me want to keep my eyes closed. The pain reduces, till it just feels like a light headache. I hate having something wrong with me. I always hated being sick. It's not just tiering but boring. You can't go outside or anywhere. But now, this isn't just any cold, something is wrong with me, and if Cam doesn't know, then does his dad? I tighten my eyes and let all my thoughts seep out of me. I just want to relax. I'm exhausted, but I've been unconscious for a week. I can see reed instead of black because of the sun. I smile slightly. It's silly but it's such a weird feeling, seeing a red muffled colour.

A couple of minutes later Cam comes rushing into the room followed by a man that looks a lot like him. I open my eyes when I hear them coming, I had almost fallen asleep.

The man smiles at me. He sits down.

'So you've finally woken up.' He smiles again. I sit up further in my bed. From what Cam said, I didn't think his dad would be nice. I expected him to be like all the other doctors you meet. Uptight and all business. But he's really nice.

'Sorry, I'd better introduce myself; I'm Simon, Cam's dad. I'm sorry about this whole, what would you call it? This whole muck up,' he says finding the right words. 'Now, your mum left for work today, so in the meantime, I've got to get to know you. Okay?'

I frown. 'Sorry, I've got to know your history for medical purposes.'

I smile back at him this time. Cam and him are so alike, but I can understand why Cam doesn't want to be a doctor, because for the next half an hour, Simon asks me every single question you can ever think of, so basically he knows me more than, well me. He's really kind though, and he treats me like an equal, not a child, which is better than any other doctor I've been to.

'Would you like Cam to be here, or do you want him to leave?' he asks taking some notes down on a clipboard. The question sends me into a spin, I think I'm really to tired to be concentrated, but it does confuse me, the question I mean. What sort of questions will they be? He realises my confused expression.

'They could be some personal questions, that you may not want Cam to know,' he says. I pause. They should be all right shouldn't they?

'Yeah, I don't mind Cam being here.'

'Okay, then lets get started. What sort of exercise do you do?'

my brain is functioning slowly. 'I play netball and soccer, I regularly run about four kilometres and I do dancing.' I say. I see Cam smile at this, shaking his head.

'So you're very fit then?' Simon asks.

'Yeah, I guess I am,' I say feeling a little stunned.

'Okay,' he laughs, 'so how much water would you say you drunk daily?'

I think for a little while. 'About three bottles, more if I have to umpire games,' I say. Simon raises his eyebrows and Cam looks up confused. He continues asking me questions, until I think he knows everything about me. But then he asks Cam to leave, and I start to get a little worried.

'What's your sex life like?' he asks. I can feel myself go red and I'm glad he asked Cam to leave. He smiles at me.

'It's okay, all of this is confidential, no one else needs to know, you can tell me the truth,' he says kindly and I realise that he's expecting me to have had sex before.

'Oh, no, I mean… I haven't, umm… not yet,' I splutter.

'Okay,' he says making a note on his clipboard, 'I'll take that as a no,' he says smiling.

He then goes on to examine me, and I'm all right. He expects the headaches to be a one off thing that won't happen again. He tells me that I was probably out for the week, as I had to get some sleep. He explains that teenagers have stressful lives, and need more sleep than they actually get, so at some point they have to catch up.

It cannot go unsaid

I regret what they know

Don't think it's all been a waste of time.

Are you better off alone?

Cam comes in later with a tray with food piled on top.

'I thought we should celebrate, you being okay and all,' he says with a smile that melts me. I smile back and we dig in.

We chat for ages until mum comes home from work and decides to take me home. I get a shock when I see mum, she seems really stressed, and she looks terrible, but I assume that it's just because she was worried about me.

I say thank you, and we leave, making appointments for me to have a check up every so often.

When I get home, I feel a bit more relaxed, like everything will be okay, but I can't help but notice that mum still looks shocking.

'Em, I have to tell you something,' she says her voice almost breaking, 'I didn't think you wanted me to tell you at Cam's place,' she adds, motioning for me to sit down. But I ignore her.

'Shouldn't we tell granny I'm home? Wouldn't she want to see me,' I know something's wrong, and granny will make mum feel better. But instead she bursts into tears.

'That's just it,' she whispers and suddenly it all makes sense, I don't know why. I collapse onto the footstool in shock. I grab the sides of it and squeeze, I feel my hands split and I shut my eyes and clamp my lips together. The tears started pouring out, and from my lips a sob escapes, I gasp, and clamp my lips shut again. But it doesn't work. Mum continues weeping, leaving me shaking uncontrollably on the footstool. I don't know what to say, there are no words to describe what I'm feeling. It's like a shovel has come along and dug a hole deep in my heart. But at the same time its different, like being winded, and grasping for breath, but having no one to help you over come it.

I can't do anything. I feel numb everywhere. My body's still shaking everywhere and I don't want to stop it. I can't control it. My eyes are sore, and my ankles are throbbing. It's so bad, it's like my feet don't want to be part of my body anymore. My organs are shuddering, and I feel sick. Mum doesn't do anything yet; she just sits there, rocking back and forward, tears streaming down her face.

I look away from her. At this moment I hate her, she told me this, it's like it's her fault, even though I know she had nothing to do with it. I feel betrayed. She saw her last, and I haven't seen her, I haven't been anywhere for about a week. I feel alone, because I know that there's no one anymore. No one to help me from being winded, and no one to help overcome the pain when I do. It hurts.

Mum dries her eyes and comes over to me. Squatting down she places her hands on my knees.

'She died quietly, she just passed away. It was the way she wanted to die.' I didn't want to hear the words, it made it all seem final. I let out a wail and sob into her shoulder.

We were so close. I remember her always getting so angry when I called her granny. 'Wendy,' she'd say, 'I'll always be Wendy Darling.' I'd always laugh at her, and tell her of my day. I'd tell her my problems, it was more accurate to call her me best friend than grandmother. She treated me like an equal, I was always closer to her than anyone else.

Mum's voice brings me back to the present.

'We lost her while you were out jogging,' suddenly it's all too much, I gasp, and pain comes into my head, the light comes from behind my eyes almost blinding me.

She mistakes it for a gasp of shock and says: 'Honey, it'll be okay, everything will be okay.'

Those that we admired

All stood their ground and cried

I didn't start the fire

I just tried to see your eyes

I send her to bed a bit later saying that I will be fine. But once she's gone I don't know what to do with myself. I wander around. Staring at the ceiling I go up to Wendy's room. A blow of pain hits me forcefully as a headache comes to me, the white light blinding me, and as quickly as it was there the pain disappears and is replaced with the place I saw before.

This time I'm running through the trees laughing and looking behind me. I dodge trees and scream with laughter as I look up and see a ruffled boy above me.

But as quickly as it replaced the pain, the image is gone and I find myself slumped on the doorframe of Wendy's room.

I look in and feel a bout of sadness. I sit on the end of her bed and I remember her talking of a boy she once knew.

'Missing is strange,' she had said. 'Sometimes it isn't there at all, and then it swoops down on you and you want to cry, but you don't, because there's no point. The person you are missing has gone, and it seems you are alone, and that the night is too large, and too dark.'

I hadn't really understood her at the time, and now I even don't. But I get it more than I did. I just don't know what to feel. Sadness, anger, happiness. Everyone seems to have rules for everything, but the rules for grieving are different, because the councillors try to tell you what to feel, and that it's okay to feel them, but it's stupid, no one should tell you how to feel. You can feel however you want. And that's how it should always be.

I stare out Wendy's window, sitting on the pane of the window, looking at the stars remembering.

I get up slowly and look at the photos that I loved her to tell me about. I get to my favourite and gasp. It's the girl from the place in my dream, from that weird world. It's Wendy. She was at that place. But why?

Thinking these thoughts I don't think I'll ever get to sleep, but as I crawl into her bed that I spent so many stormy nights in, I feel suddenly tired. I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.

Are we Better Off Alone

Than lying to ourselves

Who cares what they've said?

Who cares what they know?

Are we better off alone

_Grinspoon – Better Off Alone_

**A/N: **hey there is something weird with word at the moment, but I'd just like to say thanks to all my reviewers, Leigh A. Sumpter (loved your new chappie, it's one of my fave stories that one!), Tinkerflyinbell (I like the name!) and Aria Elessa (you'll just have to wait and see!)

Please R&R!


	4. Peter's memories

A/N: hey guys, I know this is short, but if your good and start reviewing, I might update a bit quicker! I've had the day off school today because of a teachers strike. So I've written a couple of more chapters, I'm up to chapter 8. But you won't get to read that, unless you review! Oh, I feel evil, he he he. Anyway, if this chapter doesn't make any sense to you, it will later! And if any of you have the real Peter Pan story typed up or on your computer, can you send it to me, cause I'm having real trouble getting it.

_I wake up joylessly feeling happy throughout my body and I know that today will be okay._

'_Tink?' I ask, wondering where she is as I finally open my eyes. I sit up in shock. Where am I?_

_I jump out of the bed and walk around the room inspecting it thoroughly. Photos are stuck one after the other, all over the room. They seem to follow a young man. The first picture is of him smiling, sitting aor8und five boys. The next is of them all in front of a large house. There are more photos of the boys, which seem to be taken every year, so you see them grow. You see them graduate fro high school, and one particular boy go to what seems like med school. There's a caption at the bottom, which reads: Simon starting school all over again. I smile, and see each of the boys up, and get wives, then start a family of their own. I see a particular boy, that reminds me of me. He has a cheeky smile in the corner of his mouth, with eyes that seem to be teasing. I smile at the photo. He seems like a nice boy._

_Suddenly my legs decide to give way and I fall on my rump. I get up again, Peter Pan never falls, but as I do I get a glance at my hands and gasp. They're old and wrinkly. _No, this can't be happening_, I panic. _

_I rush over to the mirror and stare at my reflection and step away. It's an old Peter Pan. I put my hands on my face and sit back down on the bed. And the memories come flooding back. _

_Me leaving Neverland. Finding Wendy with that man. Seeing her children. Adopting the boys… All of them, coming flooding._

_I take a deep breath. Wendy. Oh it had been a while since I had thought of her. Sure she had always been there, I could never forget her, but I just didn't want my full attention on her._

_Suddenly a searing pain comes to my head and a bright light covers my eyes, but suddenly I'm in Neverland it's beautiful just as it was._

_But I see it in a different perspective, and I can see someone flying in front of me. _

'_Hurry,' he yells and turns around. It's me, I realise. _

'_Wendy,' the young me yells. I must be in her memory, I think. But that doesn't make sense. How could she remember Neverland? There's no way I could be in her memory. _

_The memory, or whatever it is, goes a little further and I recognise what I'm being shown. It's the night that we defeated Hook. I go through it all again. Fighting Hook, being with Wendy, and then letting her go._

_But then it's all gone and I'm back in my room. I just don't want this to be happening, I want to return to Neverland. To live the life I had. I want to be with Wendy, but she left me. All I want to do is crawl up into a little ball. I want to be the strong Peter that I used to be, but this horrible place has turned me weak. _

_Instead I think, curiosity always gets the better of me. I think long and hard, and what comes to me after so much thinking, doesn't seem possible. _

_It was something that Tink once told me. She told me that when a person dies, sometimes, they don't want to go, because they think that they have so much to live for. People they want to meet, and people that they don't want to let go. Sometimes these people manage to pass memories onto people that they want connections with. And I think in this case, the person might be Wendy. _

_Later I get ready to go to Simon's for dinner. I want to tell someone, about Neverland. I plan to do it tonight. I smile and can imagine Cam's face light up as he hears about the mermaid's and fairies. _

_But as I arrive it looks as though a bomb has hit._

'_What's the matter?' I ask._

_They all look at me stunned. I notice Cam, who is just sitting in a chair, trying to help out but really just looking stunned. _

'_Em's grandmother died, Wendy, she wants us to hold the wake at our place,' said a confused looking Cam. He goes back to staring into space. I take a deep breath. Wendy can't be dead, that means that…_

'_Wendy, Wendy Darling?' I ask. Cam looks up at me confused again and nods, but before he can say anything Simon comes into the room. _

'_Hey, pop, sorry about this, we didn't even know her, but they've been through a lot, so it's good for us to help out,' he says. Cam nods and goes back to staring into space. _

_I sit beside Cam after Simon sends him up to his room. He looks really bad. I wait for him to bursts, and as soon as Simon's footsteps fade away he explodes._

'_She looks so sad, like her life has been ruined, and all I want to do is help her, but I can't, because I barely know her, well, I do know her, but I don't know how she feels.' He couldn't have me more confused, all I can tell is that my little Cam, the only one who was just like me, has fallen in love. _

'_What's her name?' I ask, smiling. He senses my smile, and laughs a little._

'_Em, she's absolutely gorgeous. She has beautiful golden locks, dancing blue eyes, and mouth with full lips, everything.' He describes her as though she's a taste on his tongue, trying to find the exact words. But as soon as it started, it disappears, the light disappears from his eyes. But before I can ask why, he disappears, after being called for dinner. _

_Everyone is quiet at dinner. Their faces are glum and they can't take their eyes off the food. I want to tell them, but I can't. I want to form the words in my mouth, but they seem stuck in my throat. It seems to be just me, looking around at everyone, watching them as though it's a movie, and all of them are in black and white, but I am the audience, standing out in colour. I want to say something, to break this silly curse._

_But just as I say something Jack comes in late as usual and suddenly everyone's talking and I can't get a word in. It seems like the one time I need to talk and be listened to, no one needs to listen._

A/N: I know this chapter was a bit short, but I promise that they get longer! Many thanks to:

**Leigh A. Sumpter- **I feel like I haven't heard from you in ages, but that isn't true. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**Eva Sumpter- **thanks for reviewing, I really like your story too!

Thanks guys! - embracing


	5. The Funeral

**A/N: hey guys. I'd just like to say that I'm not very happy with you. Normally I try to update once a week. Except you made it very hard to update, because I got no reviews! (with exceptions to Leigh A. Sumpter and Auriela) I'm even starting to think that I might as well take it off! So if you do have an account, please log in and review, because it's nice seeing how many hits are on the pages, but it's nicer to see reviews! Please R&R!**

(-)

** Cam**

I sit and stare out the window. Tomorrow's the day of the funeral. I didn't even know Wendy, but the way Em talks about she must have been great. I'm glad that we are doing the wake for them. I'm glad I could at least do something. I feel so useless. Everyone seems to know how it is to have someone die how is close to you. But that's never happened to me. Nobody's died. Em's had such a hard time this past week. Wendy dying, and her getting the headache, or whatever it is. The last time I saw her, she looked terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. She was so quiet. It was as though she had lost her way in the world, and she didn't know how to find it.

It's about eleven when I hear the phone ring. I jump to get it so no one wakes up.

'Hello?' I say.

'Oh, is that you Cam?' I can hear the muffled voice of Em.

'Yeah, it's me,' I say a little groggily.

'Sorry did I wake you, do you want me to call later?' the question lies there hanging until I realise that I have to answer. She just sounded so distressed; it took me back for a second.

'No Em it's alright, I wasn't asleep,' I say relaxing more into my chair.

'Oh, okay… I'm sorry, I just wanted to talk to someone, I just don't think I'll get any sleep tonight.'

'Yeah, it's alright,' I say. She sighs softly. We sit in silence for a couple of moments and I look at a picture on my bedside table. It's a photo of Em a couple of tourist took of us on the first day we met. It was a polaroid so they gave it straight to us after they had taken it.

She looks so lively. I just want her to be happy again. I want to be able to tell her that I really like this friendship, without making her feel guilty about being happy when Wendy has just died.

We try to talk of happy things, but the only thing that is on both our minds is the funeral tomorrow. We sit in silence for a moment or two, when suddenly she takes a sharp breath.

'I just don't know what to do,' she says her voice breaking, 'she's always been there for me.' I don't know what to say.

'It's alright, it will work out, she'll never be truly gone,' I say hoping it will make her feel better.

'Yeah,' she whispers. She sounds so alone; I just want to help her.

'I mean, I've never lost someone-'

'Yeah, you haven't ever have you,' she interrupts, 'Because if you had you'd know that she wasn't lost Cameron, you can always find a lost thing, she died.' I'm shocked, she just changed from someone quiet, almost back into the girl I first met, but a very angry one at that. She is right though, I swear under my breath, I feel like I have to learn a whole lot more before I go trudging into this jungle. She breathes in deeply.

'I'm sorry Cam, everything is just getting to me lately, I want it to be all over, I feel so alone, but that's no reason to take it out on you.'

'No no, you were right, I really have no idea what you must feel.'

'It's just people walk around me like their walking on eggshells thinking that I'll break in a moment, you're the only person that treats me normally, and I don't want to loose that,' she says.

'Don't worry, you won't,' I say smiling a little. We talk a little more, she talks of Wendy, and I talk a bit of Peter, she seems to find him amusing, we talk for almost an hour when she says:

'Hey, I know it's late, but do you want to come over and talk? Maybe we can go for a walk or something? I just need to do something, to get my mind off things' she asks. I smile again. I love the way she seems so nervous, but confident at the same time.

'Yeah, that sounds good, I'll be over there soon.'

When I arrive at her place, she's already waiting outside. I can't help but think that she's beautiful, even though she's a wreck. She smiles bravely at me and waves.

'I'm glad you came, I just didn't know what to do with myself,' she says quietly, but I can hear her. I smile back at her.

We go for a walk. I don't know where we're headed, but she seems to know, so I follow her.

'Do you want to talk about it?' I ask. She pauses, and even stops walking, she looks up at me, her whole face concentrating as though her life depended on getting my question right.

'Maybe I will, but not know, I just want to have fun now,' she looks up at me, happy with her answer, and we do have a great time. She even laughs a couple of times, which is great. You can see the twinkle in her eye as she does, almost as though it had been hiding, but then out it pops, tricking us all.

She takes me down to the wharf. We walk along the planks, listening to the sounds that surround us. We don't speak, because that would ruin it. We finally get to the end, and Em slides gracefully into the seat. She tilts her head back to the stars, and I follow her suit. I look over at her and she tells me she's tired. She lays her head on my lap and closes her eyes.

She's so beautiful. Her golden locks lie on my lap, spread around her head, making her look like the angle she is.

For a moment I think that she's gone to sleep, but then she speaks.

'I remember she once told me that she didn't like aging. She said: "Time is going by, the swing in the front yard is growing old, and the cubby house is filled with nothing but cobwebs and spiders. This house seems so cold to me, but somehow when I see you playing in the garden, there is a pause in time, because you are having fun, and I want to have fun with you." I didn't get her at the time, so I went and got her a blanket. She laughed at me and said: just remember that tomorrow never dies and yesterday never comes. So I've never forgotten it.' She says sighing.

'It sounds like she was a smart women,' I say. She smiles.

'She _is_,' she replies, and then closes her eyes again, and I can tell by her slow breathing that she's asleep.

I sit there until dawn, stroking her hair. When I take her home, she smiles at me, saying:

'Thanks Cam, I don't know what I'd do without you.' And that meant more to me than anything.

(-)

The next day we all go into the church that's where the ceremony is being held. It's a short one, and I notice that Em cries throughout the whole ceremony.

Our family is standing up the back; there are just so many people here. Wendy must have known a lot of people. Em sits at the front. Taking it all in. Her eyes wander about as the leak out the tears. Her face is creased with pain, slowly gets up and turns to face me once the ceremony is finished. She doesn't see me though, but she looks lost. Her own mother is going outside, grieving by hrself. But Em is left there, and she doesn't know what to do.

I walk to her, take my hand in hers, and take her outside for the burial where I stand by her. She squeezes my hand tightly, and then the priest asks her to say a few words. At first she's a bit croaky, but then she gradually gets stronger.

'Wendy was my grandmother. But that is the wrong word to describe what she was to me. The correct term would be best friend. I was closer to her than I was to anyone. She never even wanted to be called granny or Nan; she said that it made her sound to old for her own good. She once told me that she wanted to die in a fierce battle, but dying in peace is the next best thing. So I guess she got it. I hope she will rest in peace forever, while we all remember her, and the way she was.' By the end of it, we are all sniffling, and Em comes back to me sliding her hand in mine, the tears leaking out again as we watch Wendy's coffin lowering slowly into the ground, until it is six feet under.

Everyone leaves to go to our place for the wake, all except Em and I.

'Are you sure you don't want to come?' my father asks me for the third time.

'Yes, dad I'm sure.'

'Okay then, I guess we'll see you soon.'

I stand behind her for a little while, until she turns around suddenly.

'I miss her so much, but what's the point in crying,' she says wiping her tears, 'it's not going to help anything is it.'

Slowly I grab her hand to stop her from wiping the other eye.

'It might not make anything better, but it's worth it.'

'I just want everything to go back to normal, it just makes everything so final,' she says indicating to the headstone.

I let go of her hand, not noticing that I still had it

'Come on, let's go for a walk.' And so we do, through the cemetery.

We pass through the cemetery, not talking much until we come to a headstone, which Em stops at and sighs. She places a bouquet of flowers that she's holding on it.

'Don't you think it's sad, how no one is here to put flowers on the graves. Like these people here they must have known someone, so where are they? They either can't be bothered or their dead.' She moves on quickly, but I still get a glance at the headstone, and I wonder at it.

'I have this theory, that you're not really dead unless you're forgotten, because you're still living, but through others memories, but what happens after that? When you are forgotten, what happens?' she turns around to face me and I find that we are back at Wendy's grave.

'That's a good theory Em, but the mystery with what happens after is never known to those that are living.'

'That's the thing that I'm most afraid of,' she says whispering, 'I'm afraid of being forgotten.' The tears in her eyes, decide that they will tart leaking again. But Em doesn't want them to. So they lie, brimming her lower lid.

Before I know what I'm doing, I've put my arms around her and started hugging her. She hugs back, and we stand there, in each other's arms.

(-)

**A/N: I'd like to say thanks to Auriela and Leigh A. Sumpter who reviewed my story. And I just want to say, for those of you who don't have an account I'm going to enable anonymous reviews, so when I do, I expect a lot more emails, so hopefully around seven more before my next chapter, because I'm feeling really neglected here.**

**embracing**


	6. Prepare to Die

**A/N: **I can't wait any longer, but I'm not happy at all. Four reviews in I can't remember how many weeks! That's not as much as I would have liked! But I have to update coz I've had this ready forever, so you can make up the reviews on this chapter. My friend (I won't name names) has just gotten 200 reviews and as soon as she heard I only had 13, she laughed in my face! Can I tell you that that's not a very nice thing to feel! But I'm being a drama queen and I know I should be grateful for your pretty reviews, and don't hesitate to say something horrible, I think it's be pretty fun. I have started naming my chapters, because I felt like it. I'm really far ahead in the story, and I'm writing a hard bit at the moment. But I shan't keep you any longer as the only reason your reading this, is to read the story, so here it is!

**Chapter 6: Em- Prepare to die **

_I'm really close tonight_

_And I feel like I'm moving inside her_

_Lying in the dark_

_And I think that I'm beginning to know her_

_Let it go_

_I'll be there when you call_

_And whenever I fall at your feet_

_You let your tears rain down on me_

_Whenever I touch your slow turning pain_

-

I lie on the ground and look up at the stars. The grass prickles at my back, but it's okay. I glance beside me and see Wendy's diary beside me. I look back up at the stars and think. No one's here. I don't even think anyone knows I'm here either. I just want to be alone for the moment. It seems like everyone is always around me, and I never have time to think about Wendy, and remember her. There are always people around me asking that stupid question; 'How are you?' I mean, what do they expect us to burst into tears or something. I never used to mind it, I guess I didn't used to mind a lot of things but after…

I roll onto my side facing the book, but after what? I used to be a different girl. I was loud, flirtatious, and happy, but its like that girl got up and left sometime. I don't even look the same. I have dark rings under my eyes, and they're bloodshot as well. My hair doesn't do its lively thing, swishing around my head, my lips are chapped and sore, but I don't really care. Physical pain brings the emotional pain back, almost making is disappears, but that's not exactly possible. Nothing can make the emotional pain go away. The girl that used to be me, has disappeared. It's like she's left me completely, I don't want her to go, but she's already left. But I think what scares me most, is that I don't know why she left, or even when she went. I stare at the book, I actually know the answer, but I don't want to believe it. I bit my lips engraving my teeth into my ragged lips, before I actually make words to the thoughts that I've been having. I think the girl left when Wendy did, because Wendy did.

I'm really worried, because I'm really starting to miss her, Wendy that is, and I hate that it seems that the time I need her the most, she's not here. But I guess that's the reason why I need her, because she's not here, and she won't be.

I feel really stupid, because I keep coming home and expecting her to be there, but she's not. And when a silly person with yellow stockings walks past, I bust out laughing and look beside me, but there's no one to laugh with me.

I keep staring at the book, and then I get up. I walk out of the park that I planted myself in earlier, and walk across the road, with the book in my hand, to my place. I can feel my hands on it's soft edge, the edge that has been worn away by so many openings, the edge that was held in, and cherished by Wendy's wrinkled old aged hands.

I let myself in the back and silently tip toe through the kitchen I stop and look around the room. I haven't looked at it in a while. I've just skimmed past it. Mainly because the memories I've had here all have something with Wendy and me. I remember the first time I helped her with her famous gingerbread cookies. They all bit into them with pleasure but as soon as I tasted it I spat it out. It tasted as nice as a burnt brussle sprouts. We all laughed and they were relieved, as they had hoped that they wouldn't have to have another. I put the kettle on and make a cup of tea. I sit at the table and close my eyes, remembering. It seems that that's all I want to do at the moment. Having fun isn't even a big priority anymore.

My lips and my tongue burn as I take a sip too big. But I can feel it do good, as my lips embrace the fluid, and begin to repair themselves. I finish my tea slowly, and when I finally take in the room around me, I find that I am covered in darkness. In my melancholy state I feel as though I must be quiet.

I slowly walk up the stairs, and creep quietly past my mum's room. I walk into Wendy's room and feel calmed. As I walk past her cabinet to her bed, I get flushes of memories of things that I did with Wendy. Like the time where I had gotten a really bad mark on my report card, because I found it hard to read out loud. So she had spent the whole holidays with me making me read out loud to her.

I smile and sit on her bed. I open the book slowly. But I can only snap it back shut again. I can't read it; it's her private thoughts. I know she wanted me to have it, but I can't read it, not yet.

-

_You're hiding from me now_

_There's something in the way that you're talking_

_Words don't sound right_

_But I hear them all moving inside you, go_

_I'll be waiting when you call_

_Hey and whenever I fall at your feet_

_Won't you let your tears rain down on me_

_Whenever I touch your slow turning pain_

-

The next day mum drives me to Cam's place. I have to get weekly check-ups, to make sure that everything's going okay. The car ride is very quiet. As mum stops at a red light she turns to face me.

'Hon, I'd like to talk,' she says, looking me straight in the eye.

'Okay mum. You don't have to ask mum permission first,' I reply, keeping her gaze.

'It's just, we've never been close, at all,' she says, looking back at the road, 'It was like mum, I'm mean Wendy, brought us together. You guys were so close, and I was so close to her, but we never really got on, just you and I.' We arrive at Cam's and she finally turns back to face me. Tears are gathering in her eyes.

'I felt so stupid when you were little. You'd always run up to her room and tell her everything about your day. And I'd be so jealous, but then you'd come back down with her, and she'd get you to tell me about your day, and then I'd stop being jealous, because I knew that she and I would raise you together, and it didn't matter who you told first, because you'd always come to the other next.' Tears are now dropping from both our eyes.

'But when you started growing up, I wasn't around as much, so you stopped coming to me. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm sorry I wasn't always there for you, but since Wendy was the one who brought us together I think maybe she can bring us together now.'

I lean over and hug her. I don't know what to say.

'Mum,' I whisper, 'it's going to be okay.' It's not much, but it's all that I can say. She nods to me and smiles.

'Thank you,' she says, and we get out of the car.

-

_The finger of blame has turned upon itself_

_And I'm more than willing to offer myself_

_Do you want my presence or need my help_

_Who knows where that might lead_

_I fall_

-

Someone opens the door just as I'm about to knock on it. It's an older man, who looks quite chirpy for someone his age, but looked a bit flustered. He raises his eyebrows at me, as if he is in shock, and murmurs something under his breath that I can't quite hear.

'You must be Em,' he says and looks past me to my mum, 'and Ruth.' He smiles at our faces, I'm guessing that mum's looked like mine, shocked.

'Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Cam's grandfather,' he seemed to wince at the word, 'Peter Pan.' He reaches out to shake my hand, but instead I have to grasp onto it. My head is thundering, the white light is back, blinding me again. I collapse onto the floor, and I hear urgent footsteps.

Someone puts my arm around their neck and lifts me. But after that the pain and the light take over and all I can see is white.

Suddenly, I'm in the other world again. I'm on a very old fashioned boat. It's beautiful, but has a black flag with a white skull hanging from it. I turn and see a scene laid out before me. There are a bundle of boys fighting with pirates, who are covered with tattoos and jewels.

I look in front of me and see a pirate with his sword raised, gaps in his teeth a couple of clumps of hair tangled in a pile at the top of his head. I quickly look down and see a sword in my hand. I look back up at him and find that he's grinning. He takes my surprise as an advantage and swings at me. I block his swing with my sword, and I find that I know what to do, and I'm fighting. I laugh at the pirate's clumsiness. But suddenly all is still and a boy floats down to the ground.

He is a handsome boy, and I feel all sorts of affections towards him. He drops to the ground with a thud, and I let out a gasp. The boy has blood running down his eye. He looks up at the man pushing him down. He has black curly hair, and piercing blue eyes. He looks wicked as he uses the end of his sword to knock the boy again on the head.

'Prepare to die Peter Pan,' he says, his piercing eyes turning red as he raises his hand.

'No!' I scream. I know what I have to do. I run to him and the man lets me.

'Oh, lets hear Wendy's goodbye to Peter Pan.' Just as he says it, it hits me. I'm Wendy, and this is Peter Pan, Cameron's grandfather.

But again, as quickly as it came it disappears and I'm back in Cam's nursery, and again Cam's looking at me in relief.

-

_Whenever I fall at your feet_

_Would you let your tears rain down on me_

_Whenever I fall, ever I fall_

Crowded House: Fall At You Feet

-

**A/N:** thank you everyone who did review: **Leigh A. Sumpter** you always review, which is nice, so please keep reviewing! Thanks so much!

**Tinkerflyinbell1** thanks for reviewing again, and please keep reviewing

**Auriela **my beautiful gorgeous friend, who is sick at the moment (this shall be a nice surprise for you) thank you for reviewing, and remember I will keep showering you with complements, and you should be expecting a letter (wink wink), so look forward to it! (I know you love seeing your name here!)

And thankyou to the anonymous reviewer!


	7. Peter Story

**A/N: **I'm so sorry this took so long. It was a very hard chapter to write and I had a lot of things to fix up. But I'll be updating a lot in the next week or so to make up for the time I will most definitely loose during the holidays! Okay, you have to forgive me for everything to come in the chapter. The writing's pretty poor, I know that, and a couple of things don't really make sense, so I'm really sorry. I also found it hard to describe a couple of things, and I of course used ideas from the book, BUT DON'T SUE COZ I DON'T OWN. Sorry again of this doesn't make any sense, and please R&R even if you don't like it because I need to know!

**Cam- Peters Story**

Once we finally get Em in the nursery Peter whisks me away to Kensington garden. We don't talk on the short drive there. He keeps looking at me, giving quick glances, as though making sure that I'm still there. His hands have gone white on the steering wheel, his face is blank and looks anxious.

'We have to talk,' he says as we arrive. I open my mouth to reply, but seeing me do so, he cuts me off.

'No Cam, I need to talk. Please don't interrupt me, and don't judge me until I'm finished.' I close my mouth, Peter's never sounded like this before. Not even when I got lost in the shopping centre and he had to come and find me. Because of this, I have an inkling that whatever he's going to tell me will take a while. I nod to him and he starts. I let the words wash over me, so that I can absorb them, and understand them completely.

'On the day that I was born, I ran away. It was because I heard my mother and father talking of what I was to be when I became a man. I didn't ever want to be a man. I wanted always to be a boy and to have fun. So I ran away to Kensington Gardens and lived a long time with the fairies.' I try to imagine it, but it's too hard. My brain doesn't want to comprehend, but I try to anyway.

'But fairies aren't re-' he cuts me of by clamping a hand over my mouth.

'Don't say that, every time a child says ' I don't believe in fairies,' there is a fairy somewhere that drops down dead,' he basically hisses at me. I'm starting to think he's a little mad, but he sounds like a little boy, and out of curiosity I let him continue.

'You see Cam, this may come as a shock, but long ago, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. So there should be a fairy for every boy and girl. But of course there isn't, because babies are too smart for their own good, and don't believe in fairies.'

That is enough for me to try to get in one glob. I hold up my hand and put the other to my temples. I rub them as though trying to get the information stuck in there.

'So if you spent so much time with the fairies, did that mean that you had a fairy?' I ask.

'Well, you see she wasn't meant to be my fairy or anything, she a lady, and men don't get lady fairies, but she was said to be mine anyway,' he said with a laugh tickling his voice, 'Her name was Tinkerbell.'

'And then the fairies took me off to Neverland, where I lived with the lost boys, and I was their captain.' He sees my confused face, and goes on to answer my question with out my asking it.

'The lost boys are the children who fall out of their prams when there nurses aren't looking, and if they are not claimed in seven days they are sent off to Neverland! But of course there are no girls, girls are too clever to fall out of there prams.' He even answers my next question, and as he says Neverland for the second time, I can feel something stir in my memory. And I can see a beautiful world, and I know that it is the place that I dreamed of as a boy, and that Peter was the captain of.

'First star to the right and straight on till morning,' he tells me, laughing. He explains Neverland in great detail, and that's when I really get interested. He describes the world I loved as a boy, the wondrous Neverland that was my home at sleep. Peter laughs at my face and we sit down on a park bench.

'There were the Indians, they were amazing. And Tiger Lilly, she was the princess, and acted no less. Then the lost boys,' he sighs, 'Then there were the mermaids. They were beautiful creatures…' and off he went explaining his adventures and the creatures that lived there. He told me of the fairies, described each of the Lost Boys in turn, starting with Tootles and ending with the twins.

Finally he told me about his archenemy, Hook. His face darkened as he told me. 'He was captain of the pirates in the Jolly Roger. They lived on that boat, and ever since I threw his hand to the crocodile, he swore to kill me.' He laughs a little.

'I made that crocodile haunt Hook. It ate a clock, so each time Hook heard the tick of any clock, he got scared. He had piecing blue eyes, that turn red, as he is about to kill.'

But then he stops and smiles to himself.

'I stayed in Neverland for years and years, and didn't grow a day older there. Neverland reacted to my feelings, and since I was always happy, Neverland was always beautiful. I went to England often to see what was happening. And one day, when I was in England, I heard a story being told by a wonderful little girl, around my age. She was acting it out to her two younger brothers, so I stopped by the window and heard the story. I came back for days and days, and one day, I was caught by Mrs Darling. She screamed and Nana, their dog used as a Nanny, caught my shadow, but I of course managed to get out.'

And so then he told me of how, after coming back to receive his shadow, he convinced Wendy to come with him. They had great adventures together, including some funny ones about John and Michael, Wendy's brothers. Finally he came to the end of Wendy and when he last said goodbye saying that he'd be back for spring cleaning, but he forgot and never returned.

'Now this is the hard part. I realised a couple, of… oh I don't know, maybe it was years,' he said to himself. 'Yes, well years later I found that I missed Wendy, and that I may even love her. And that was a big thing for Peter Pan, I had no feelings, and there I was finding that I had let go of the one girl I had ever truly loved. So I went rushing off to England, and forgot Tink in my hast, and that was unfortunately the last I saw of her.'

He then went on to tell me about searching for Wendy, but finding her already married. In pain he didn't want to return to Neverland, and he had already aged, so he adopted some children from the orphanage. They were five boys, my father was one.

'So that's what happened?'

'Yes that's what happened.'

'Does dad know?'

'No, only two people know, you and me.'

I sigh, but then it suddenly clicks.

'What was Wendy's last name?'

He looks at me with a weird look in his eye.

'Darling.'

'Em looks like her, doesn't she?' I ask.

'Oh, so much.' We both look into the distance. I try to get my head around everything that he has told me. I want to believe it, and in a way, I can believe it.

'Why did you tell me that?' I ask. I don't really know whether I should believe him. I want to, but to believe him, means that I have to do a whole lot of unlearning. I get the feeling that my head is just going around inn circles. It pulls to a stop as Peter explains himself.

'Because, I remember once something Tink told me. When a person dies sometimes, they don't want to go, because they think that they have so much to live for. People they want to meet, and people that they don't want to let go,' he says looking at me, to make sure that I'm following him. I nod and he continues, but I can feel anger and disappointment building in me.

'Sometimes the people pass memories onto people that they want connections with, and they come in the form of headaches.' I nod again. I think I know where he's heading, but I can't be to sure.

'So what has this got to do with me?' I ask, not wanting to seem stupid, but feeling it anyway.

'I think that Wendy wants that connection with Em,' he says, 'that's why she's getting these headaches.'

I stand up suddenly. I don't know what to think. The more I think about it, the more this all sounds like a whole lot of crap.

'You know sometimes Peter, I find that you are the only person who takes me seriously. But then you go and act like I'm a small child, telling me stupid stories that aren't even real.' I walk of fuming. I hate to turn my back to him, he's the only person I respect properly, but at the moment I'm finding that hard enough. I hate how nobody gets me. Everyone wants me to go off and be like dad, but I just want to be a writer, or do something with sport, something completely different. I never asked for my life to be planned out already.

'Ask her what she dreamt while she was unconscious,' he calls after me, 'and if she describes Neverland, then you'll know.'

Her face haunts me as I start the heavy trek back home. I've never walked home from here before, but I've never had Em's pail face covering my eyes either. I just can't shake her limp body from my head. Pale and lifeless. It gave me a heart attack as I walked to the hallway and saw her collapse onto the front doorstep.

The weather seems to be playing tricks. When you want it to be sunny and happy, it goes and rains on you. But when you want it to be cold and miserable like you, it goes and shines down on you. The sun beats down on my back and I silently curse it.

But all too soon I'm back at the doorstep, and I manage to walk into the nursery just as Em wakes up.

A/N: this is just a little note to say thankyou to all my reviewers, **Leigh A. Sumpter,** **Auriela, Slightly, tinkerflyinbell1, and Aria Elessar!** Thanks a lot you guys, I'm finally up to 20 reviews!


	8. Painting Memories

**A/N: **sorry if this doesn't make much sense, but please review anyway and tell me why! Sorry it took a while, I didn't realise I had so much to work on. One of my friends mentioned that I had really bad grammer in it. I know that, lets just say that I'm not a real wiz at that. I got my report back a couple of days ago and it said that I didn't vary enough, so in the next couple of chapters my writing may change a little, not in this one though, it had too much that I had to change already!

**Em**

'Hey,' he says, 'how are you feeling?' I don't answer him straight away, because I have no idea how I actually feel. I know that I'm confused, and that I'm exhausted, but I don't know how I am. I sit up in bed, supported by the pillows.

'I don't know,' I tell him truthfully. He looks a little disappointed so I add: 'I feel confused, exhausted and a mix of other things.' He doesn't say anything, he just looks at me… he looks at me seriously.

'Cam, please don't look at me like that.' He rubs a hand off his face, as though he is trying to get rid of his expression.

'Like what?' he asks.

'Like you're trying to figure me out, like you have no clue what to do about me, like I'm a child who never takes anything seriously,' I say with a sigh.

He comes over to the bed and sits beside me. He wraps his arms around my body, and hugs me tight. I hug back, and lay my head on his shoulder.

'How long was I out this time?' I whisper into his ear.

'Only a couple of hours,' he whispers back. We stay there for a couple of minutes and then he slides down on the bed so that he's lying on his back. I follow suit, but lie on my side instead facing him.

'What's it like?' he asks, looking to the ceiling, 'when you pass out?' I don't say anything for a while because I'm trying to work out the words to describe to him.

'There's an intense pain in the back of my head, and a blinding white light,' I pause, and he senses that I'm not finished. 'And there's a sound, it's a shrill piercing note, right in my ear.'

'What happens after that,' he says still looking at the ceiling. 'Do you just black out, and then all you can remember is waking up?'

'No, after a while the light disappears, and so does the sound. It's replaced by this really strange dream, and gradually the pain lessens.' I can feel his body tense up as I answer.

'What happens in the dream?'

'It's not a reoccurring dream, although each time they're in the same place with the same people.' I try to think back, I know that Wendy was in the dream, but there was someone else that I can't remember. 'I'm in a world that's absolutely beautiful. There's mermaids and Indians and little boys running around the place. But I'm not me, I'm Wendy. And there's a boy. I can't remember his name. He had ruffled hair, and he could fly,' I suddenly realise what I'm saying, 'But it's just I crazy dream.'

I look at Cam's face, it looks strained, like he wants to tell me something but can't.

'Why?' I ask, curious. He turns on his side and looks at me. Not how I'm normally looked at, but really closely, studying my eyes and the rest of my face. I feel awkward and naked as he studies me. I feel like I should be looking better, so I glance away from his eyes, and he realises that I'm uncomfortable. He gets off the bed and walks to the door.

'Dad has heaps of other patients, but he says that all you need is sleep, so you can stay here for as long as you want, but if you want to go that's alright to.'

I smile and he leaves. I flop back onto my bed. I've realised recently that everybody has different smiles. Some people have smiles that creep out, that are their real smiles. Others have huge smiles that they use a lot, and some have embarrassed smiles, that they don't show any teeth with.

I let memories over take me and let them capture me and take me on a journey. I really enjoy it, until it takes a horrible turn, and links all me bad memories together. I wake up finding myself with tears streaming down my face. I wipe them away sharply, burning my cheeks, and making my eyes hurt even more. I hadn't realised I was asleep. But then again, I hardly notice anything anymore.

A scream of frustration escapes my lips but I clamp them shut again and cover my mouth with my hands for extra protection. I'm just sick of grieving. I want to run, I want to feel, I want to think, and I want to be able to love again without getting hurt. I don't want to cry anymore, it makes me feel so weak, like I need help. I've got to get used to not being with someone who understands me all the time, and I have to be strong for mum. Wendy was always the strong one for her, and now it has passed down to me.

_-------------------------------------------------_

I look at myself in the mirror and let the day pass by me. I study my features, holding my arms out. I was thin before, but since I haven't had a proper meal in days, I'm really thin. I can see my bones sticking out, it may be my imagination, but I don't think it is. But my weight loss isn't the reason I stopped and looked at myself. It was my eyes. They flick from side to side, getting a glance at each. They don't have their fire anymore. They look hollow as though they have now seen it all. I grab my chalk from my desk and slowly make out my fast scrawl into words, and before I know it, my hand is writing my favourite quotes. _There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged, to find ways in which you yourself have altered. Sometimes the best person to talk to is one that cannot judge and cannot give answers. Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all. Time tells the truth. Secrets are open, yet closed. Time is going by. _ I continue writing, my hand going faster and faster, until I know that I'm the only one who can make out the scribble that my handwriting has become. The letters and words come closer together, and finally I reach the end of the mirror. But as I look at the mirror again, I'm disappointed. Through all the writing, I can still see myself, even clearer than before. My skin surrounding my eyes is deep with dark rings, and my eyes are still puffy and red.

The sun sets and I walk outside to my hammock. Its freezing out here, but I want to feel the pain. So I can finally feel and not be guilty about wanting to be touched. I watch it, the golden yellow, the colour of the bright, sticky honey, slowly fall beneath the horizon, and I feel a little better that, everyone else in the world, gets to see the sun, and gets to share its warmth.

Pink light softy touches everywhere the sun covers, and I feel warm, as though it's shining its beautiful peachy-pink colour everywhere, to look pretty, to impress me. It succeeds, and the last drop of light finally disappears. I look down at the book in my hands, scared, but thrilled at the same time. I open it slowly and gasp as I see Wendy's neat scrawl on a loose piece of paper.

_If anyone could read this book, I'd want it to be my granddaughter, Em. Because she unlike most people at any age, understands me the most like the people that I wrote about in this journal. My daughter knows of it, but when she is asked she refuses to read it, because she knows what it is to me. _

_Thankyou all for a great and loving life, and for letting me imagine beautiful adventures, that I wish would have happened. _

_And thankyou all for being so special to me._

_Wendy Darling._

I read through the letter again, and then again. Making sure that I understand. I sigh and turn the piece of paper around. I see something written upside down, in a smaller scrawl, not as neat. There is a map next to it, and as I study it further, I realise that it's a map of the Darling house, my house.

_Enter the hallway, and cut into the stairs, walk up past mothers' room, and then opposite open the door and enter the nursery, my special room. _

I walk quickly to the hall and quickly follow the instructions. I pass mum's room, and to my surprise I see a door. It gives me such a shock that I jump with a start and hit the table next to me. I sit for a couple of minutes, wondering why I've never noticed it before, and if it will be barred or not.

Mum isn't home, so I jump at the chance to go in, letting my curiosity take over. I slowly turn the door knob and find myself in… Cam's nursery. _What the hell? _I think. The yellow walls and the beds are the same, as well as the stain-glass window that I'm immediately drawn to. But there's something else here that isn't in Cams' nursery. This isn't Cam's nursery, I realise, it's the original. Cam told me that his nursery was a duplicate of another. This must be the other.

I look around the room with a different perspective. I can see what's missing in the other nursery. You can tell that this one has been loved, and lived in. The hats are strung effortlessly over bed frames and shelves, and books are piled on the floor and on the beds. I sit on the one that must have been Wendy's. It's the only one in the room that has pink on the bedspread. It has a view straight to the window, and as I look out of it, I can see people's attics and what they are doing in their rooms.

I slowly get of the bed, and delicately trace my fingers over the beds and the walls. I closely take in everything about the room and absorb it. I sit down on the pane of the window, and watch as the night goes on, everywhere but here. A breeze blows and I feel a slight tickle as the hairs on my arms rise. The wind reminds me of a people I read. It was about a dancer, who was really the wind.

_We can never see her, but feel her_

_With her graceful limbs,_

_She dances._

_She picks up speed,_

_Teasing ripples into the water,_

_And tickling the trees leaves,_

_She annoys the people_

_On Saturday morning_

_Reading their papers,_

_But as she turns,_

_Spinning faster and faster,_

_She goes straight through a window._

_Slam!_

_The window locks her in._

_She falls,_

_But picks herself up gracefully,_

_And stands still for once,_

_Waiting for a chance to be free. _

I glance over at the bed were I used to be sitting. I walk over and pick up Wendy's book, turning it slowly in my hands. The rough, yet soft cover of the book melts into my hands. The breeze tugs at my hair, and I return to the pane. I sit and get comfortable. I open the book to the first page and read.

_----------------------------------------------------------_

I close the book and breath deeply. Peter Pan, the name rolls on my tongue. I wonder if Cam has any clue about the adventures that his Grandfather had. I want to know more. Wendy's book only gives me the bare essentials. I don't know what my curiosity is going to turn into, but I have a feeling that it may be big. I feel as though Wendy has painted her memories for me, all I need now is Peter's side.

_---------------------------------------------------------_

**A/N: **okay, thanks to all my reviewers (you know who you are!) I am officially up to 25, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! He he he, thanks heaps. By the way Auriela you confuse me! And next time you have something to say about a chapter, please come to me and explain your review, they make sense - occasionally! I'll be back soon to you others!


	9. Return of the Fairies

**A/N: **hey, I said I'd be quick, didn't I. I'm probably going to update tomorrow too. So get excited. I'm up to 28 reviews! I lurve you guys! He he he! This chappie doesn't have very much detail; so if you want some more info just ask some questions in a review or whatever. Sorry if it doesn't make very much sense! R&R!

**Cam – Return of the Fairies**

_So the aliens have landed_

_They'll be moving through you and I_

_And as the family disbanded_

_They dragged the sadness into the light_

_­­­­­­­­­-------------------------------------------------------------------_

I go to bed, and after what Em said today, I know that Peter was right. It doesn't make sense though. All the things that he has said, well, it just means that I have my whole life to unlearn.

I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to sit. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't do anything else.

I go outside and get my bike. I go for a ride. Thinking thoughts, and going through parts of the suburb that I didn't really know. I relaxed, and listened to the sound of life around me. The sun started to set, and a violin starts playing. I can hear it in the distance, and as I get closer, I find that it isn't a violin, but a singer. I slow down and listen to her sing. I look up and see a girl sitting on her windowpane. She looks about thirty, and is just singing, while looking out at the world, patting her companion, a cat. She watches him jump down the bricks, and she quietens down to a hum. The cat comes towards me warily.

The singing stops altogether and I hear a yelp. The lady comes rushing down and I realised that I overestimated her age. She is in her mid twenties. She smiles at me in relief.

'Oh, it's not Tim,' she says to me.

'No I'm not Tim,' I tell her. She blushes and looks down at her bare feet.

We stand inn silence for a couple of seconds, and soon all the light has disappeared.

'Hey, I just want to tell you, that if you have a rough time ahead of you, you have to trust your instinct to get through it,' she suddenly blurts out. I look up at her. She is a really weird singer... person… girl. She notices my look.

'Oh, sorry, it's just I really read horoscopes, and this week it said that today, I would meet a complete stranger, and give them good advice.' I smile at her.

'Cam, Cameron Pan,' I say sticking out my hand to her.

'Hey Cam, I'm Julia, and this is my cat Romeo,' she says proudly. I glance at Romeo. He's a beautiful cat, black, short hair, with a lovely shine.

'I heard you singing, and I just had to stop and listen.' She blushes again.

'Thanks, I really enjoy singing… but I can't… you wouldn't want to know.' She looks really crestfallen.

'I would like to know.'

'I can't because of my illness,' and suddenly the quiet Julia surprisedly turns into a loud one as she talks of her illness. We sit down on a seat on the pavement and I tell her about Peter, not the full story, just a bit, so she can understand. I even talk a bit about Em. She smiles as I describe Em to her. She gets up and picks up Romeo, once I have finished.

'Thanks, it's been great talking to someone who can't judge me, but I have to go,' she says smiling.

'Yeah anytime, and I'm pretty sure you gave a complete stranger some good advice.' Her smile widens even more and she leans towards me.

'Go for her,' she whispers in my ear. 'So if you're ever in the neighbourhood, come round and we can have a chat,' she says over her shoulder, walking back to her house. I smile and shake my head_. 'Go for her,'_ she had said, and I wish I could. But somehow, I know that I'll never have enough courage.

'Thanks Julia,' I yell to her back and get back on my bike.

_------------------------------------------------------------------_

_No more tears and no more pain_

_Only things to keep you sane_

_Only fun_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------_

By the time I get back I know that I will be able to get to sleep. I crawl into my bed, slowly pulling the covers over my head. My doona feels good on my skin, and I feel nice and warm. I lay on my side for a couple of minutes, until I feel that my eyes are starting to get droopy. I roll over and let my thoughts wiz past me. Not letting any of them catch on. I think of the days that have gone, and of the days to come. I close my eyes again, and let my thoughts release. And slowly I can feel myself drifting of to sleep.

_----------------------------------------------------------------_

_And in the distance there's talk now_

_Everyone wants to go home_

_I hope you know you're not leaving_

_For the night has just begun_

_----------------------------------------------------------------_

I wake up hearing a high pitch whisper, and a tinkle of bells. I know it's still dark without even opening my eyes. But suddenly, a burst of light comes and I quickly open my eyes, just in time to see a bright light darting behind my lamp. _What the hell? _I think._ I think I'm going crazy._ I shake my head, closing my eyes. Then I open them again and the thing is still there. I can still hear the whispers, and the bells.

I walk over to it, and what I see gives me such a shock that I trip over my feet and fall over my feet. I quickly get up and pretend it didn't happen; I never fall on my rump! I sigh, I sound like Peter. I hear a giggle, and I know from Peter's description what it is.

'What's your name?' I whisper, walking over to my lamp where it is still hiding, even though it knows that I've seen it. It tinkles, and I can make out something like Bella.

'Bella?' I repeat back to her. She smiles and nods. She flies up towards my ear. She seems so excited to be with me. She whispers in my ear for quite a while. She repeats it to make sure that I understand completely. I sit down on my bed.

'So what your saying is that the fairies and their King, have a feeling that something terrible will happen to Neverland, because ever since Peter left, everything has gone downhill.' She nods and encourages me to continue. 'and therefore you want me to come to Neverland with you.' She smiles and flutters around the room. I did a pretty shaky job of summing it up, but she seems happy. You can sort of tell that the fairies aren't very good at strategies.

I have to think about it. Bella isn't technically my fairy. She's Tinkerbell's daughter, so they sent her thinking that it would make sense. Apparently after Peter left, Tinkerbell went mad, and became a disgrace to the fairies. They want Peter back, the fairies I mean, but he has grown up. So they've come up with a plan, to reign me to become a protector of Neverland. It seems like a little dodgy plan, but anything to get away from here would be nice,

I really want to go to Neverland, because of curiosity, and so I do. But I leave knowing that I have to be back before morning.

_---------------------------------------------------------------_

_And if I live to stay a day_

_Words are left to fade away_

_­­­­­­--------------------------------------------------------------_

I learn how to fly, I get a tour of the island, I meet the mermaids, I meet the Indians and the fairies, I learn how to use a sword, and I learn about Peter's past. Neverland welcomes me with open arms, and it seems that I do to. I have talent for everything they teach me to do. I'm a quick learner though, and I seem to know everything already, the only trouble I'm having, is flying. I enjoy it, but I know that everyone expected me to be better at it. Everyone immediately loves me, since I am Peter's grandson, but it doesn't feel right, I know that something wrong is going on.

But as I get further and further into the night I relax with them, and I fel more at home than I do in England.

The entire time that I'm in Neverland, all I can think about is how Em would love this place. It is absolutely mystical. I train hard; I want to get good quickly. I have fun doing things that I would have never done before, but I do now because nobody knows me. I feel free and anonymous. I love learning the fairies language. That's one of my favourite things, apart from sword fighting. I guess because I'm good at both. But my teaches in Neverland push me hard, and give me more and more challenges.

I come back to England, and then at night return to Neverland. I learn new things every night, but I really want to get better at flying. So I try to make them teach me to fly, rather than the other things I'm good at. But they tell me that flying is something that can get better by practising, but at first it all has to click. You have to get used to the idea of flying, after being taught for so long that it couldn't be done. So I wait excitedly after each of my lessons so I can fly again.

Neverland has a different space of time. It goes quicker than England so that three days here, is more like three hours in England. But because of my enthusiasm I barely get any sleep though, and neither does Bella. I get her up all the time to take me flying. And when she gets too tired, I carry her back home. All I want to do is be good at everything, but I can't.

_-----------------------------------------------------------_

_­­­­­­ And it started_

_No pain for a rusty boat_

_Down hearted_

_No pain for a rusty boat_

_Alex Lloyd- aliens_

_-------------------------------------------------------------_

It's been about a week since I first came to Neverland, and it's starting to show that I haven't been sleeping at all. I haven't seen Em in a while, but I know that she'd be concerned because mum, dad and Jack keep asking me why I look exhausted. I take up on Dad's offer on afternoon and take a nap, waking up to find that Peter is waiting for me.

I can tell by his eyes that he knows.

'Good luck,' he whispers in my ear, and then leaves, his eyes glistening over, and I know it's out of jealousy.

One night as usual a fairy comes to take me back to England. Bella comes too, but in case we get lost, there's a back up. The night is fresh as I get whips of the breeze through my hair. I smile, because I know, even as I am barley out of Neverland that I'll be back soon.

**A/N: ** so there's a lot of reviewers I'd like to thank coz there is a new one. As usual I'd like to thank everyone who has ever reviewed, but a special thanks to **Auriela**, sorry darling, you can write about anything you want in reviews,** Leigh A. Sumpter**, thanks for your review! And **hp6, **thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked it. For all those others that didn't manage to get a review in before I updated, review for this one please! He he he!

p.s. the title of the chapter has nothing to do with the chapter! I just liked the sound of it!


	10. Mixed Thoughts

**A/N:** Sadness! This is my last update for the year coz tomorrow I'll be leaving my house until the ninth! AH! So this is the last one I'll write in a while so you better all update so when I come home I'll have a very nice Christmas present, hopefully a large one. But I'll work on my story while I'm away so I'll update heaps when I get back. Now the next couple of chapters, like this one, are written in lots of peoples different perspectives because I found that in my chapter plan there wasn't really enough in them to make it a chapter. So that explains that! So this is a big chapter for Time & Secrets as you will soon see!

**Mixed Thoughts**

**Em**

I sit and look out at the starry night. The deep velvet doona like sky, twinkling its many eyes at me, winking and smiling, enveloping me into its cold embrace. I love the night. It's late now, about midnight. I can see the world turning off its lights, as everybody goes to bed, leaving me in utter darkness. I like it here. It's peaceful and that's what I need right now. Peace and quiet.

But out of nowhere I here a voice. It's like a bell, twittering, almost like a bird soaring crisply though the night sky. The voice deepens, and it becomes longs notes that form words. I wanted silence, but all I want now is the voice. The woman sings. I don't know what the words are, or even if there are words. All I know is that I want to listen to the song.

I can feel the wind tugging on my hair. Making it dance around my head gently. The invisible dancer, just like the poem. I lean my head behind me. Close and then open, then slowly sink back down again. But before they reach their destination they see one last thing. The light turns on, and my mother stands in the doorway. But she's too late; I'm already asleep.

But I'm not really asleep, I find. It's like watching two things at once. The blinding light comes as a headache starts to take place, but I see mum walk over to me and pick me up. The light is replace by the world, and it hits me, from the descriptions Wendy gave, it looks like Neverland. Mum carries out of the room to mine. I drift down from where I seem to be flying and land on a ship, the Jolly Roger. Mum lays me in bed and tucks the sheets over me. Everything goes black on the other side, and I wake up suddenly to see myself in mum's arms. I relax a little into her arms, and she starts to stroke me hair continuously. Her hands soft and delicate like a cat grooming itself.

But suddenly she is replaced by a man towering over my, his eye turning red as he raises his arm, that has not a hand, but a hook. He knocks me over the head with the hook, and I fall to the ground, listening to the earth-shattering gasp that escapes my lips.

**Simon**

It's past midnight when I the ring of the doorbell. I roll over and look at my wife. She sleeps on, her eyes peacefully closed, and I wonder if the bell was even rung. But it comes again, urgently. I get up, and put some pants on and my top. I walk to the door slowly.

'Hello?' I ask as I open it. It's Ruth, Em's mum. She's carrying Em in her arms and has tears pouring down her cheeks. I take Em from her and hurry them up to the surgery, listening to Ruth's explanation as I go. I can't help but notice that Em is very light, and limp in my arms. It feels as though I could break her in half.

Everyone but Cam seems to wake from the commotion, and they all help out in one way or another. I don't bother waking him though. I know that as long as Em is unconscious, Cam will be awake, if he can help it. I examine her and send everyone to bed, and I feel proud of myself as even Ruth manages to fall asleep on one of the surgery beds.

That's what I love about this job. I can help people in so many ways. And I love being able to control a situation, and once I have, it feels great.

I sit on the edge of Em's bed after I finish examining her. She's still only a child, but she has experienced more pain than anyone would in a lifetime. But then she is not really a child. She passed the mark of child a long time ago, and sits firmly on the fence between women and girls. She, like so many others that are my patients, wants to move on be an adult, but a part of her wants to stay with her childhood.

I've seen the way Cam looks at her, and something tells me that she sees him the same way.

**Cam**

I arrive back home and I know that something is wrong. Everything is stirring. The house is normally so quiet at night when I return. I walk out of my room and through the house. I can see a light on in the nursery. I run there and find my dad inside, sitting on a bed that has Em in it. I look at the bed beside her and see her mum sleeping soundly there.

'What happened?' I ask. But am pushed out the door before I can say another word.

'Sorry, I just got Ruth to sleep,' I can feel his eyes slide over my body, and I silently wish that I had changed clothes before I came out. But instead he cocks his head to the side and says,

'I didn't know you were such a deep sleeper?' I smile at him and nod trying to look sheepish, or at least something other than intense worry. I can feel a stitch sticking in the side of my body, and I regret running to the nursery.

'So what happened?' I ask. He smiles at me.

'Oh, Em fell completely unconscious, it was as though she had been knocked out or something. Completely limp, she went from being conscious to unconscious when she was hugging her mother.' He seems a little sketchy on the details, but it doesn't really matter.

'Hey, I've got a favour to ask, could you stay up with Em, I have to move Ruth, and then I might get some sleep,' he doesn't ask it like a question, he asks it as though he knows I'm going to say yes. He goes over to Ruth, wakes her up, and moves her to the spare room.

As soon as they leave I get comfortable, and wait til dawn comes.

**Em**

I wake up to find Cam pacing the room. He is dressed in a white top and jeans, and I try to not take notice of his muscles that you can see through the top. He smiles at me and sits down on the edge of my bed.

'Holly crap Em, you scared the shits out of me.' I smile. He looks deeply in my eyes, and my breath catches.

'Excusing your French,' I say and start to get out of bed.

'Hey, hey,' he says and pushes me back. His touch sends shivers down my spine, and I know that I can't deny it to anybody anymore, even if I want to.

'My dad had to examine you,' he says as though now I'll get everything. I look up at him and give him a confused look.

'What are you wearing Em?' he asks. I can feel myself go red and I find that I'm only wearing my bra and undies.

'Exactly,' he says smiling at me. Then he hands me a bunch of clothes that I recognise. 'Now I know I wouldn't mind, but maybe you put these on, unless you want to go walking around like that in front of my family.' He smiles charmingly at me.

'You dirty boy,' I say, mock seriously, 'please turn around so that I can get dressed.' He turns slowly and I hop out of bed and quickly get my clothes on.

'How did you get my clothes?' I ask.

'Your mum had to leave for work, so she dropped around to your place and then dropped the clothes off here.' He turns back around and I smile at his reaction. Mum chose my favourite top. It's a black top with gathering at the shoulders, it hugs my body nicely, and I know that Cam has realised that.

I sniff the air. 'Mmm, that smells good, can I have breaky now?' I ask. He smiles and leads the way.

_--------------------------------_

Half an hour later, after breaky and an okay from Simon, I'm leading him to my special spot. No one knows where it is, and as I explain to him where we are going he stops.

'Are you sure you want to show me this then?'

'If I hadn't already thought about, do you think I would be showing you?' I smile and I head towards the first hill.

My spot comes after a lot of hills, and this is another reason why I want to take Cam to it. I want to talk to him for longer periods of time, really get to know him. He makes me laugh. He tells me of his crazy family, and of Peter, and that's when I really get interested.

'How close are you to Peter?' I ask. His eyebrows knit together as he thinks.

'Very, he knows me better than I know myself.' But that's all he says on the matter, and he then tells me of the other day, when he was riding and heard a women singing, and how he met her. It makes me think of the women I heard singing, lulling me off to sleep, and I wonder if they were the same person. Thinking this I smile, and listen contently to Cam talking.

**Cam**

She finally stops at the top of the last hill. I sigh and I can see her face crease into a smile. She takes my hand gently, leading my away from the amazing view of the city. She brings me to a hammock, where it seems that she has made her home. She sits down facing the view, the wind dancing through her hair. I sit beside her and take her hand again. She leans her head on my shoulder and I listen to her breathing.

I lean down to the hammock so that I am lying on my back. She follows, still seeming to be in a sleepy haze. She is lying on her side, her body facing mine. I can feel every part where her body is touching mine, and I turn to look at her. She is already looking at me, and her eyes pierce through me. Her smile slowly fades as she and I both realise how close we are to each other. I lean forward and so does she. I can feel her breath on my cheek as she turns her head at the last moment, making for my ear. I don't bother trying to hide my disappointment. I sigh and she whispers in my ear.

'What's wrong with me Cam?' I turn over so my body I facing hers. I notice that she takes a quick breath. Because of the weight of the hammock, she slides towards me. Our body collide, and somehow she ends up on top of me, and I'm lying on my back.

She doesn't seem to mind though, and neither do I. I reach up and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

**Em**

His touch sends shivers up my spine, and I have no clue why I didn't kiss him before. I guess I just needed to ask the question. I find that my arms have ended on is chest, so I slide them down so that they are behind his neck. He closes his eyes, and then opens them again, his face glowing. I let my hand explore through his hair, and I lower my head to his.

But this time he moves to my ear, teasing me.

'Nothing's wrong with you, your perfect.'

**Cam**

This time I know I've said something wrong. She scrambles off me as quick as lightening, sitting on the very edge of the hammock, her back to me.

'That's just the thing, Cam, I'm not perfect. If I was perfect, I wouldn't be getting these fucking headaches would I now? I'd be able to stop mourning for Wendy's death.' She whispers the last bit so softly that I can hardly hear her. She whispers it with a force that I don't understand, as though she hates herself for it.

I want to tell her everything, that I know why she's getting the headaches, and all about Wendy and Peter. But I can't. Peter said that if I tell anybody Neverland could be ruined, and from what Bella has told me, we need to prevent anything like that from happening.

She turns around to face me.

'She would have wanted me to live life again, and not to mourn. To feel, to love and to have no weight on my shoulders. To be strong and not to cry,' she almost asks it, as though it's her only hope. The question lingers in her eyes, and I bundle her up in my arms squeezing her tight.

'You can be strong in so many different ways Em, not crying is just one of those ways, a crappy way at that. And I don't even know Wendy, but I know that she'd be proud of you, whatever you felt, because you and her had a connection, and that connection will hold strong, through life and death.' It sounds corny and silly, but it's the closest way I can get at least some of it out into the open.

She takes a shuddering breath, but does not cry. She burries her head further into my chest and I kiss the top of her head. In reply she kisses my chest. And for now, that's all that we need to say, because we understand each other, for now at least.

**A/N: **he he he, evil writer so they didn't get together! I feel evil, but I'd like to thank all of my reviewers, especially **Auriela** and **hp6 (thanks for reviewing your reviews mean a lot!)** because you always review!

That's all for now, so I guess I'll be writing later! Thanks for reading! - embracing


	11. Long Road of Life and Death

**A/N: I love you guys so much. You gave me the best Christmas present ever (with exception for Auriela's absolute fantastic pressie!). I was so happy when I got home. So here's the chapter you've all been waiting for, and please don't hate me. (I had to put a couple of chappies into one so that's why this is written in different p.o.v!)-(Oh, I just remembered… the fist two p.o.v's aren't in chronological order)**

**The Long Road of Life… and Death**

**Em**

I lie on my bed looking at my ceiling, thinking of last week. That's all I've been able to do really. It comes back to me, everything. His lips seem to be burnt onto my forehead, I can still feel them there. Marking me. I feel my hands as they were on his chest, his strong chest that held me close. All I want to do is see him. Tell him what I really feel, because I know how I really feel. I wanted to deny it, but after what I felt all of that day, there's no way I don't like him more than a friend.

I walk to the windowpane watching the rain pour down, wanting to here the women's voice, wanting her to lull me to sleep again, as I know I won't be getting much sleep tonight. The windowpane is my place, the place I can feel comfort. I don't know why, I think it's because it leads to the outside, so I can view freedom without doing it first hand. Suddenly I can hear Wendy's voice some years ago.

'_Turn your head child,'_ she had said. She had always called me child when she had something important to say. I did so and she smiled, touching the crook on the right side of my cheek.

'_Yes, you have grown well. I believe that is the hidden kiss my child.'_ I had smiled to myself and stepped away, touching it lightly with my hand. I had known what it was; my mother had talked of it constantly. She had never given hers away as Wendy had.

'Who did you give yours to?' I asked Wendy after we had talked of growing up.

'A very special boy, who never really wanted to grow up himself,' and by the look on her face I knew that she didn't want to speak of him, but I know it was Peter, the description suits perfectly.

I get comfortable in Wendy's favourite chair. The chair that she used to sit and listen to me read in. I take out her diary, and flip to the back. I read the last of her story, it's my favourite part, although it is so sad. I turn the next couple of pages, staring blankly at the white, crisp bare pages that follow the devastating end, falling freely into the creamy, milky whiteness. But the last page is not crisp, white and bare, Wendy's black ink stains it. I do not recognise it as I haven't read it yet. I didn't even no it was there.

It again is in Wendy's neat scrawl, but I can see that it was written franticly.

_People die, and sometimes, when a person does, they can pass memories on, so that they have connections with the people that either can't let them go, or that they themselves can't let go. I have so many memories of Neverland I would love to pass to…_

I hear the doorbell ring, and I go to answer it. tearing myself from Wendy's hypnotic words, the words that may have an answer to my weird headaches. As I open the door, I take a quick breath in… it's Cam, soaking wet from the rain.

**Cam**

I lie on my back on my bed, looking at the ceiling, which has become very interesting this past hour. I stare and stare at it. Thinking of yesterday, and how badly I wanted to kiss her. I've been lying here since I got back from Neverland. I haven't even had breaky yet. I just want to think of what happened and what's going to happen.

I smile to myself and close my eyes, remembering her breath on my cheek, her hands on my chest, and the butterfly kiss on my she place on it after. I should have kissed her, I wanted to so much, but I didn't.

My thoughts drift away from Em and go back to the thoughts that have kept me looking up at my ceiling.

I can feel a frown crease my forehead as I wonder. My recurring thought is of Neverland. Living two lives is too hard, but I can't leave Neverland, and I can't leave here. I feel like Peter when he had to choose between Neverland and Wendy, I don't know what to do. In ways I can feel myself swaying to one side, but I have strings attaching me to the other.

But before I can think any further, Dad rushes into my room. He stands in front of me looking distressed.

'What's wrong?' I ask.

'Shit Cam. It's dad, he's in had a stroke.'

_----------------------------------------------------------_

Everything goes numb as soon as he says those words. We drive to the hospital. It all seems to be going to fast, there's no time to think at all. The car is silent, and as we go into the hospital I remember why I hate it so much. It smells of death. Of people knowing that they are dying, and people who haven't had the time to know. The smell of medication, and of emergencies. The sound of sirens, and doctors calming voices. People crying, and everyone knows why.

We reach the ward that he's in and rush forward. He's sleeping. The wrinkles on his face seem deeper, and his face looks older and tired. Not the Peter I know. Dad goes to him first, taking his hand and kissing the top of his head. Jack takes a seat and sighs, picking up a magazine. Mum sits at dad's side leaning her head on his shoulder. But there's no place for me, and not for the first time I feel like I don't belong here, like this isn't my place.

I step outside for a moment and go for a walk, knowing that they won't worry. I go to the elevators and press the labour ward. I get out and hear the muffled cries of pain, and in some way, it calms me, because somewhere somebody is being born, at the same time someone lies dying, saying goodbye to it all.

When I feel ready, I go back to Peter's ward, finding that he's awake, when no one else is. Jake has left, and mum has fallen asleep on a sleeping dad.

He holds out his hand and I take it, sitting down on his bed. He smiles and that's all he needs to do. His eyes flutter shut, and I think he has fallen asleep.

'Tell me of Neverland Cameron.' So I explain to him in great detail all of Neverland. He laughs in some parts, and grieves in others, until he falls asleep. I lie beside him and shut my eyes, glad that he is still alive.

_------------------------------------------------------------_

I wake up with dad shaking me.

'Come on Cam, get up,' he says urgently.

I swing my legs off the edge of the bed. 'What's that matter dad?' I ask. He sits down taking his head in his hands.

'Dad's fallen into a coma, for the first couple of hours they prefer for no one to be in the room.'

I get up and we all file into a room. The next couple of days seem to be a blur. But everything goes from bad to worse. Peter's condition looks good at first, but then that thought crumbles into pieces.

I wait outside while my dad talks to him. He's stable at the moment, but there's no guarantee that next time something goes wrong they'll be able to fix it. They told us that now would be the best time to say goodbye. I look in and see dad hug Peter, then make for the door.

'Cam? He wants to see you now.'

I walk into the room silently and sit awkwardly on the edge on the seat. The machines are pumping away around him, beeping, pretending to make some sort of music.

'I can't do it anymore Peter, I can't keep living two lives, it's too hard.'

'You have to choose one then,' he says.

'I know, but I don't know which.'

'Lets talk of other things, how's Em?'

'She's good. She had another headache the other day, a really bad one, but I haven't had time to ask her what was in her dream.' We are silent for a moment and I only listen to Peter's breathing. I won't to talk some more, for him to talk but I'm to intent in listening to his breathing. I can hear it in his voice that he's finding it hard to say things, but I can't Peter won't die; Peter has too much strength to die. I feel slightly shaken as it gets harder and harder for him to breath. Suddenly, he gives me a shock by grabbing my hand, squeezing it tight.

'Cam, I'll always be here for you.'

'Peter, what are you saying?' his grasp on my hand slowly releases. 'Peter, no!' I look around me, trying to find some help, but no one is here. This can't be happening, not to Peter.

He gives me one last look, smiling he whispers with his last breath. 'Protect Neverland.' His eyes close and I wait for the next rasped breath to come. But it doesn't and I sit in shock.

Dad comes rushing into the room, the others following him. I watch the scene in front of me as though it's a movie. A black and white movie, a silent one. I can't believe it. The only sound is of Peter's heart monitor no longer beeping the way it did, it makes one single long note. My brain is telling he's dead, but my body doesn't want to. They all rush to Peter hugging him and crying, but I've had enough. I can't comprehend what has just happened. It feels as though some thing has just disappeared out of my life get up, and no one realises. I move out of the room, and still see the world in all its black and white.

I walk in slow motion out of the hospital. It's raining, classic.

I've chosen now, and I have to say goodbye. So in the rain, in a daze, I head to Em's house.

**Em **

I let him in and lead him to the nursery. He doesn't notice as we get there and I'm shocked, but I notice something that I didn't before. He looks like a ruined man.

I touch his face slowly stroking it, wiping the water away.

'What's happened?' He looks up into my eyes, and I can see sadness, and grief. He grabs my hand that I left lying on his cheek. Holding it he whispers to me.

'It's Peter, he had a stroke,' his voice is cracking and tears fight to make an appearance in his eyes. 'He died.' I gasp and wrap my arms around him. He hugs back so tightly I can barely breath. He burries his head in my hair and breaths deeply, trying to get control. I squeeze my eyes shut, but tears manage to leak through. I start to rub his back gently, and slowly he starts to sooth.

We sit on the bed in silence. He has no expression on his face, and I get the feeling that he doesn't want to talk about it.

'I know Cam,' I say.

'Know what?' he asks. His expression hasn't changed. He just looks at the ground.

'About Peter,' I let that sink in, and see as soon as I say the name, his body tense over. 'I know about Neverland.'

He looks at me, his expression stony. 'How could you know?' he says forcefully.

'Wendy,' I get up and get her diary, 'She wrote it all down, including why I'm getting the headaches.' His eyes return to the floor, his brow knitted in a frown.

'Did you know?' I have to ask it. He clears his voice and looks up. I watch as he realises that it is the duplicate. He walks around the room studying everything. He moves quietly and doesn't say a word.

'Cam?' I ask.

'You can tell this is the real room can't you? It's as though you can tell… you can tell that people have lived here, and had a past here.'

'Cam,' I say hopefully.

'Yeah, I knew Em. Except don't jump to any conclusions, I only found out a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't even think it was true,' he says sitting down beside me.

'I just wanted to know, that's all,' I say guiltily.

He leans forward and suddenly we're kissing. My body almost explodes with joy. His lips are like heaven, soft on mine as the kiss deepens and I press my lips harder on his. It's amazing. His hand reaches up and cups my face; it's cold against my skin. My mouth opens and his tongue dances with mine. His lips let go of mine, but I can't even catch my breath before he pushes me slowly back so I'm lying on the bed, with him on top of me.

Every part of my body that he's touching is on fire. His lips return to mine as the kisses slow down again. I reach up to him and put my hands on his head, letting them fall to his neck. I kiss him again, then only kiss his upper lip, and I feel him smile as I go up and kiss his eyelid. As we kiss again, it seems to be slow, but urgent. I can feel his hands lingering on my waist. I move mine from his neck down his back.

**Cam**

Her hands slide down my back, giving me an electric shock. I can feel her hands through my shirt, they are freezing. But I wake up and remember why I really came here, to say goodbye. I can't start something, and then disappear; it'd hurt Em too much.

I break away quickly and get off her. She smiles at me at first, then looks at me confused as I step away from the bed.

'What's wrong?' she asks. I sit down in a chair and put my face in my hands. I don't know what I'm going to say.

'Sorry Em, I just don-' I try, but she cuts me off.

'Don't you dare say that you don't have the same feelings for me Cameron, that kiss…' she drifts off and I know exactly what she means. I know that anything I say now will just infuriate her.

'I just don't want to hurt you,' I mumble into my hands. She isn't meant to hear it, but she does.

'Don't give me that bullshit Cameron, that's not true. If you didn't want to hurt me, what the hell are you doing now?'

I breathe in deeply. That really did hit a sore spot. I should have never kissed her. Temptation was just too great.

**Em**

'I'm sorry I just can't,' he says standing up, closing his face off. I don't want to cry, but I can feel the huge lump in my throat rising.

He comes towards me, but I close my body off just like he has done, wrapping my arms around my body. He hugs me anyway, and whispers into my ear.

'I'm sorry Em, and I know that it's probably to much to ask, but can we be friends?' I pound his chest with my hands, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to make a point. He grabs my hands and holds them against his body.

'I'll take that as a no then,' he lets go of me completely and walks away.

But something inside me makes me run after him, even though he's already broken my heart. He turns as I get to him, pain filling his eyes. I hug him tight and hard, and when I finally let him go, a single tear drops down my face.

'I'm so sorry Em,' he says wiping away the tear, 'Goodbye.'

And then he's gone, and I never get the real reason why he left, and why it seems so final.

**A/N: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! IF YOU DO YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE END! I'm sorry it had to be this way. I'd just like to say thankyou to the following people (before some of you try to kill me): Auriela (you lovely girl!), Leigh. A. Sumpter (nice work on Hello), tinkerflyinbell1 (thankyou!), Aria Elessar (please don't curse me!), hp6 (sorry!), and the person who I think is called Haley or I may be wrong (thanks, your review meant a lot to me. I'm sorry if my story makes you cry, but if it's a good kind of crying I guess that's okay!)**

**I hope you all got lots of fantastic books for Christmas!**


	12. Ashes Tragedies and Funerals

**A/N: **hey guys. I'm sorry that it took me so long to update, I was doing a drama course and didn't realise that it would eat up my time like it did. Thankyou so much for your reviews. I have to say one thing that involves my grammar and spelling. Both are really crap. I know this, and I try really hard to fix them, but I never do really well. I plan to go threw all my chapters and fix every mistake up, but that will come when I have time. I've tried really hard with this chapter going threw every detail and making sure that there's no mistakes, but I'm sure there's bound to be some in there. Also you may have noticed that there are lots of name changes for Cam's brother, I've been switching between Jack and Jake without noticing. His name is Jack and I will fix up the other names when I get time. Thanks! (Oh, and I'm not quite sure about the rating for this chapter, it may have to go up… just to warn you)

This chapter is dedicated to all my new reviewers!

**Ashes… Tragedies and Funerals**

**Cam**

The rain still pours down as I step off her balcony. I step out into the rain and open my arms. I growl, lifting my face to the rain. I watch the rain appear in the grey sky. Nothing looks like rain. Water from a tap doesn't look like rain. Rain is too delicate to look like anything. I let myself get wet all over again, before I make myself walk away from her house, and as soon as I do, I know that that's it, that I have to do it, because it's over. Em and Peter were the only things that were keeping me from Neverland and their ties with me have been cut.

A sigh escapes me. I close my eyes and head towards Kensington letting water drip off my nose. I can see her kissing me all over again. It felt magical, like flying for the first time. Except not with a feeling of uncertainty. I felt like I knew what I was doing, and so did she.

'_Don't you dare tell me that you don't have the same feelings for me Cameron, that kiss…' _her words haunt me, not for the first time. There was no real excuse for me to get out of. I should have told her the truth, and even ask her to come with me. But that would be betraying Peter, and I couldn't do that. I stop at the park bench and wonder if Bella will be coming tonight. She will know of course of Peter's death, all of Neverland will feel it.

I think. I have to disappear now, but how? Could I just disappear like Peter, or make my decisions even more final, by faking my death. I don't want to do either, because I know both will hurt Em, and the main thing I wanted to do was avoid that.

The funeral is a couple of days later. It's raining again. The ceremony seems to rush past me, I don't take it in at all. I arrive and watch it, as though in a trance. I can't tell any sense of time. I can't remember what was just said. I feel jetlagged like the world's spinning and I'm just floating along. I try to concentrate, but I find it impossible, my thoughts are drifting and I can't catch any of them.

I hear my name being called and walk to the microphone. It seems to take an age. Like each step I take is only a centimetre long. Almost as though there is a secret force pushing against me. I finally get to the stand, and am glad that there is something that is hiding at least a little of my hands. They seem intent on shaking. I stare at my speech in front of me. But instead of starting to read, I look up, feeling everyone's eyes upon me. I put my hand over the paper and speak into the microphone.

'Peter was my grandfather, he was a man on the outside, but was a boy mind and heart. He was the best grandfather a boy _growing up_ could want, but there always comes a time for goodbyes, and this is his. He could have ended up dying in a fight, or even in an old nursery, but it is still Peter wherever and however he died. And this is my goodbye.'

I step down off the podium, and then I hear a clap. I look up and see Em. She doesn't look me in the eye, but she starts a continuos clap, and everyone joins in. I sit and they stop, listening to the next person to stand.

I don't know what to think of Em. I don't know whether she has forgiven me, or whether she has called truce. I think back to the way she held me, long with a passion, and how a single tear dropped from her full eyes as I said my goodbye to her. But I don't get much time to think as my mother puts her hand in mine and takes me out to the cremation.

I still can't believe that Peter is being cremated. He didn't want that. Everyone knows that. I don't understand why though. Why must they cremate him? It didn't say to in his will, it didn't say much in his will, but that doesn't matter.

I watch as his coffin is put into the fire, it's horrific. It would probably be as bad as seeing him being buried, but watching him go into the fire, it makes it seem as though he is really dead. It just makes it seem so final. It comes crashing down on my head as I realise it. Something that my head couldn't quite get around. I will never see Peter again. My head doesn't want to believe it. It physically believes that I will see him again, but I won't. My brain tells me so, but a fight with heart and brain leaves me confused.

Soon it's over and the crunching sounds finally come to a stop. I feel shaken, and I can feel no warmth in my face, as I watch the ashes are put into the urn we chose. Dad's hands are shaking as he collects the ashes. I can't bear it anymore. I have to get out of hear. The walls seem to be closing in on me. I feel claustrophobic. I silently leave.

'Cam!' Jack comes after me. I'm outside in the rain. I look up at him his face pouring with raindrops already. I have to be cold. To feel pain, to be numb, I shake in my bones. 'Why did you let that happen?'

'What do you mean?' I ask, frustrated. I'm sick of doing everything wrong.

'Why did you let Peter be reduced to ashes? You know that he didn't want that.' He's getting pissed off now.

'Do you really think that mum or dad fucking care what I say. Even if I suggested it they'd be down my throat in a second, saying that they knew him better.' My throat is closing and I feel a lump growing. I want to let out all the anger. All the anger that I've kept bottled up since Peter's death. A fire now burns brightly, no longer the burnt out ambers that I left it to be. It now thrives on the oxygen I give it, my anger.

'Fuck Cam, you could have at least tried. _You _knew him best, everyone knows that. They tried to hide it by organising this themselves. I thought you had some sense.' That really ticks me off.

'What the hell are you saying. I did fucking try. But they didn't think did they? And you can't talk you didn't even try. You have no idea what it was like to have him die in front of my own eyes.'

'I know you watched him die, but you got the privilege of speaking to him last. We all knew that he was going. Even you who didn't dare believe it. It could have been any one of us that he spoke to last, and you had that privilege. Besides, at least you're not the one who has failed in life?'

'You are so stuck up! Fucking hell. I watched my grandfather die, the only person who understood me, and your saying that it's worse to have people not look up to you. Ever think that because you're so busy being a rebel that I'm stuck with picking up the rubbish after you. I'm stuck with a path that I never wanted to fucking go down!'

'A path that you never fucking wanted to go down? What path would that be?'

'I don't want to be a freaking doctor Jack, and if you bothered getting to know me, you'd know that too!' I turn my heel and walk into the rain, not caring anymore. My fire was burning deep inside me. It was too big, I would explode in any second. I felt my hands clench and unclench unconsciously. The rain slowly started killing the fire and I am left cold and shaking. I'm leaving tonight anyway, no matter what anyone says.

I walk into Jack's room later. I'm still wet from just coming home. I had spent the last couple of hours walking around in the rain, making sure that my fire was definitely out. He's not there so I leave a note; I know that he'll never forgive himself if I disappear with us having just had a fight.

_Dear Jack,_

_I know that you will hate me for this, and that you won't forgive me but I have to do this. I forgive you for what you have said in the past, and I hope you can forgive me too. I'm sorry if I cause pain in any way. Please don't show this to anyone, it's between you and me. _

_Cam_

I leave it where only he can notice it and go to my room to pack.

My dad walks into my room later on. For a moment I think that he found the note, but then I realise that he carrying Peter's ashes. He paces the room with them still in his hands. I'm glad that he is too caught up to notice that my room has been turned upside down and a couple of bags have been packed.

'Cam I'm so sorry,' he finally bursts out. 'I knew Peter shouldn't have been cremated, he wouldn't have wanted that. I just wanted to show that I knew him better than you, but I didn't.' I look up at him. He seems really frustrated with himself.

'You take them. Put them where you think is best,' he says shoving them at me. Once he knows that I have them he leaves. I look down at them in my hands and hold them as though they are a prized possession.

And it's the ashes that help me gather the bags and the ashes that help me step off the window, letting the night take me.

**Em**

I'm there when it happens. In the morning when Trish comes running down screaming.

'He's gone,' she sobbed into Simons' chest.

And I'm there afterwards when the police come and ask questions and when the search party returns without him.

I was there for a check up early in the morning when Trish called him for breakfast. He didn't answer so she went upstairs to his room. That's when the screaming started, it seemed to never stop. Never ending.

The police came after mum went to call them. Everyone was in pieces, but I noticed that Jack silently crept out of the house.

After they stated that it looked like a voluntary leave they sent out the search party. They asked me questions.

'What's your name?'

'Em- Emmaline Darling,' I self-consciously wince. No one actually knew that was my full name, I always go after Em. The policeman wrote it down on his clipboard. It reminded me of the time that Simon had interviewed me.

'How did you know the boy missing?' The boy missing was of course Cam. But the police didn't reefer to him that way. The boy missing was now Cam's name.

'I'm his dad's patients, we were really good friends.' I wanted to emphasis the '_were'_ but I didn't. I still don't know what possessed me to clap him at Peter's funeral.

'Anything else, you weren't boyfriend and girlfriend?' That really stings. I close my eyes and shake my head, not trusting my voice.

'They could have been.' Jack comes back and opens the fridge. I'm being interviewed in the kitchen for some strange reason. I put my head in my hands. I just want to scream with frustration. I feel someone's hands on my shoulders. I know that they're Jacks.

'I'm sorry officer, but could you please postpone this interview, Em has had a really hard time lately and she was here when we found out Cam was gone. I think it would be best if she could relax now.' I am silently thanking him. The officer shows a little complaint and then Jack is off with me.

He takes me to the wharf and I'm hit with memories of me with Cam.

'What happened between you two?'

'What do you mean?' I don't want to act dumb but I have to act something. He gives me a look and then goes on walking.

'You don't have to tell me, but I want to somehow make sense of this.' It's that and the comforting thought of telling someone something that makes me tell him.

'The little bugger,' he says as I finish. We head back to the house and that's all he says. We are deep in thought.

**Jack**

After she tells me about the fight I am taken back to last night when I found the note. I got home at two in the morning after wandering about. I had picked up the piece of paper and read it. I had known then and there that he had gone and wasn't coming back. I wish that he had told me where he had gone. I had run into the room and found his clothes spread everywhere. I saw footprints scattered on the floor as though he had been pacing.

It had been me who had found him not there. It had been me who had done nothing about it. And it had been me who had the fight with him. I think back to the stupid things I said to him. God, I wish I could take it all back.

**Cam**

I take the ashes to the cemetery and scatter half of them all over it, and ironically most of them land next to Wendy's grave. Then I make my way to Neverland.

I spend the next couple of days perfecting my skills and not worrying about Em… much. I try not to think of Peter's ashes, it just makes it seem so real. I always see them when I enter the tree house. They sit there as though they are haunting me.

Living in Neverland is really different to being there, or visiting. You are there all the time, and have all the time to do anything.

The real change is that flying has clicked for me. It was really strange. I woke up the night after I arrived, to find that I was hovering over my bed. So I got excited and went around Neverland five times, which was great. Suddenly I could do anything in the air. I could dance and twirl and every other thing you can think of that you can do on the ground, but in the air. Everyone was so excited that the fairies held a ball in my honour.

The fairies, the Indians, the mermaids and what seemed to be all the other creatures living in Neverland, came to the ball. It was held in the treetops of the trees on the shore of the lagoon. The fairies had made it absolutely beautiful. They had put little fairy lights among the trees as a joke, and somehow had made everything seem neat. The moon shone in the velvet sky, reflecting on the rippling water. We sat and ate in the trees for the first half of the ball, and then went to the shore and danced with sand in between the crooks of our toes.

Finally, the Indians made a fire and we danced around it in a tribal dance, kicking the sand everywhere. Then one by one they all left until all that was left was the fairies and I. Then with a flourish, they too seemed to disappear until I noticed the fairy King still on his throne. He beckoned me forward.

'Sir Cameron, we have decided that in honour of the late Peter Pan, we will hold a funeral tomorrow, and empty his spirits to Neverland,' he said and pretended not to notice as I winced at his choice of words… the _late _Peter Pan. Sir Cameron was what they called me, the fairies. Emptying his spirits was emptying his ashes. They had never really understood the reason for cremating.

----------------

The next day again everyone in Neverland arrives in the fairies cemetery. Its an elegant place with weeping willows silently swaying in the breeze. Delicate white flowers are sprouted around each of the graves. It's a silent place, eerie in a way. Everyone knew Peter in one way or another. If they knew him through another person, or knew him personally you couldn't tell, they were all mourning in their own way. It was a quiet ceremony and peaceful. Then, I empty the ashes over the cemetery, where you can see the ashes leaving marks on the white delicate flowers. They slowly float up twirling and moving with the wind, landing here and there throughout Neverland.

------------------

After that they leave me in peace, even Bella who always seems to be on my case. I go flying, every little place in Neverland that I haven't seen yet I explore now. It seems not to register in my brain though. If someone asked me where I had been, I wouldn't be able to tell them.

I come to a place that is a beach. It is long, curving in the middle and ending with rocks. Sand dunes with tufts of grass on them rise and fall to the side opposite the water, only a thin strip in between them. I land on this strip, liking the feel on the sand on my feet. I walk slowly and see a set of footprints beside mine. They are small, as though they belong to a child about three or four. I follow them and see as the child went from running to walking. They moved to the sand dunes, and obviously jumped of them, tumbling into the sand. I follow, and as I jump I see a pattern in the sand, almost like an artwork. It is an engraving of a girl wearing a dress, jumping off a sand dune. I know that she belongs to the footprints. I smile. This is her homeland, I have come into it, and she has let me.

I decide to go to England, to see what was happening in my own homeland. I leave the girl, taking one last glance at her, noticing her smile and her eyes that are too big for her face.

I arrive in England and go straight to Em's house. I find her siting in the middle of the nursery, her back to the window. Her whole body is shaking, so I suspect she is crying, cradling something in her hands. I know she knows and I feel guilty.

I watch her for a while until she gets up suddenly and screams. She gives me such a shock that I almost fall from the tree that I'm resting on. She chucks the thing that was resting in her hand and I see that it is Wendy's diary.

She runs to the mirror, sees her face and roughly wipes away the tears, but they keep falling. She collapses onto the ground sobbing again.

'How could he does this to me? They're all leaving me, first dad, then Wendy and now Cam. And these fucking headaches that won't bloody go away,' she sobs.

That's when I leave. She collapses again onto the ground, her whole body shaking. And that's the last I see of her as I fly into the dark black night.

**A/N:** So that's that chapter done. Thanks for everyone's reviews! Auriela- I agree with you in every way, yes so sad!

Tinkerflyinbell-thanks for reviewing all my chapters!

Tearzofblood-thank you so much, your review meant a lot to me!

SarahE7191-thanks for your review, I'm glad you like it, my lips are sealed about Em though.

hp6-I'm so sorry that I had you crying, hopefully you won't have to in the future, but I'm glad you find my fic that emotional!

Eva Sumpter-thanks for reviewing!


	13. Not Knowing What To Do

**A/N: **I'm so sorry. I didn't realise that it was so long since I last updated. For the last couple of weeks everything's caught up on me. School just started again after a really long break, and I'm just getting used to a little thing called homework. I kept on saying to myself that I had only updated last week. Well we all know how wrong I was! Sorry for the delay, and here is the chapter (hopefully) you've all been waiting for. Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to Slam a Revolving Door, who managed to review ever single chapter in only a couple of days.

**Not Knowing What To Do**

_Whenever I need a friend_

_It's you that I come round to seeing again_

_You know that I'll always be near_

_You're flesh and blood and you're my memory_

_Live on in my memory_

_I send you nothing but love_

_Just wait and see_

_I send you nothing but love_

_Just wait for me_

_wait and see..._

_wait and see..._

**Em **

After seventy two. That's all the time they give before they give up and acknowledge that Cam's gone forever. The police will still try to find him of course. But they have other things to do, so soon, in a couple of weeks the case will be closed. Apparently that's what they always do, but for every single missing person, all the police do is search for them for seventy two hours, and then say that they have either left the world forever or they have gone at own will.

I can't believe either, and I won't until we find a body of some sort. I want Cam's family to do something, but they are mourning the death of Peter, and can't spend too much time on the case. They give up before the police. They all look ruined on the last day, Jack especially.

The case is finally put away, well away from us, and we organise a memorial service for him. Nothing is mentioned of death or never seeing him again.

I spend hours going through the family photo box, looking for photos for the slide show. I find it odd looking at Cam grow up with the people he loved around him. There's only one photo of him and me. It's the one the tourists took when we meet at Kensington gardens.

My CD player skips and I listen as the same notes flick from one to the other. I look at the timer and see it moving with the music. And then the music starts again, but faster, as though someone has pressed fast forward. As I watch it I wish my life would be like that, quickly moving through time until it comes to a period when it's all right. Not stuck in the same place, getting nowhere.

_Right words, you know all the right words to say_

_You don't always mean them my way_

_You don't always mean what you say_

_Whenever I need a friend_

_It's you that I come round to seeing again_

_And everything that you do_

_Is everything I wouldn't ask of you_

I never cry and mourn for the loss of Cam, because I don't really believe that he is truly gone. If he left at will, like the files say he did, then he'd do it for a reason, a good one. I just wish he had let me know. In ways he did, I think that he had planned it, and that's what I told them, that's why he broke it off with me, before it had properly started.

I lie. I did mourn for him. But only a night. I have shed too many tears; I have to be strong and brave. I'm sick of showing weakness, of showing that I really do care.

I sit and watch the ceremony and watch Cam's family mourn for him, for the loss of a person that I don't think is really gone. For the loss of a person that could never be gone.

I never used to really get why everyone substituted death with loss. I used to think that they meant it literally, like the person you had lost could be found, because a lost thing is just misplaced. But now I realise that it isn't the action of losing, but the feeling. You feel as though something is truly missing in your life, and in that way you have lost it.

I watch the slide show and my world gets turned upside down as it changes into a negative view. Like a negative photo. All I think is negative. Everywhere is negative. Nothing makes sense anymore. I feel amazed that I need the two people in the world who I can't find. Everything speeds up, making no sense.

But suddenly it all stops, and all I can see is the fading photo of Cam and me in the tree. There are no sounds. Nothing, all is quiet. No sound hits my ears. I watch the fading picture and gasp when I find it know longer there.

I sit there for a couple of moments, waiting for it to come back. But it doesn't, and suddenly, all I can hear is too loud noise. It ruins my delicate ears. My ears that have been sealed before now. I need to escape from the noise. I must look silly running from the room with my ears covered. But I don't care, the noise is too loud and each note that hits my ears makes me cringe.

I get outside and breath in, unclenching every part of my body, letting the silence envelopes me in its warm embrace.

Jack comes to me after the ceremony. He walks with me a little way before speaking.

'Cam really did love you, you know that don't you?'

I look up at him and frown.

'If he really did, then why wouldn't he give it a try?' I retort.

'Because he loves too much,' he replies, quick with a come back. 'He loves people too much so he doesn't get on with things, he does it because he thinks that it will protect them, he never thinks of himself first.'

With that thought he leaves me, walking away to his family.

_You can ask me too…_

I lie in my bed that night listening to the sounds around me. I feel a wave of sleep hit me and I let it take me. I let no thoughts catch on. I let them drift, taking me off to the place I go when I sleep.

But I see a burst of light come through my window, behind my shut eyelids, and an urgent whisper follows it.

'Bella… Bella come back!'

I hear a tinkle of bells come as a reply so I crack my eyes open to see what's happening.

I see a boy crouched at the window and the bright light dancing around my room making patterns on the walls. The boy is beckoning with his hands to the light, but as soon as he sees me he stops and looks me straight in the eye. Everything stops, and the only noise is the sound of my gasp.

It's Cam. He breaks eye contact and slowly turns and jumps out the window, I scream, but not too loudly. I must be dreaming. But the light is still here, making very loud bell noises.

I see Cam's head appear again and I know that I'm definitely dreaming.

'Bella,' he says warningly, 'that is no way to speak in front of a lady,' he grins at her, and then realises that I am staring intently at him.

'Bella!' he says horrified, 'you said she was asleep!' I hear a small giggle. As the light flies around the room. It stops for just enough time for me to get a glimpse.

I gasp again. It's a fairy. I smile, and then look at Cam confused. This is one strange dream.

He heaves himself into the room; I can't help but notice his muscle's rippling under his light shirt. He walks in front of me. I slide out of bed and step back, unsure of what to do. My feet feel hot upon the cold floor. The window stays open, letting in a cold, dancing breeze.

'Pinch me,' I say. He looks at me quizzically.

'Pinch me,' I repeat. He gives me a slight pinch, but doesn't say a word.

'Harder Cam, I want to know if this is a dream, I'm not scarred of getting hurt.'

He pinches me again, hard. I gasp in shock and pull my arm back. I sigh disappointedly as I find that I am still here, and not waking up.

'So this isn't a dream?' I ask. He shakes his head.

'But I could have told you that.' He says, speaking for the first time.

I'm suddenly overcome with emotions and I fling my arms around him.

'Oh my god Cam, I was so worried about you!' He hugs me back and we stand there for a moment or so. He smells like himself, and of dirt when I come to think of it.

But as suddenly as I was overcome with emotions, I am suddenly repulsed by him. I push him away from me, and cover my arms around me, closing off my body as I had done once before. I release on of my arms and slap him… hard. He flinches, but does not wince, or move in any other sort of way.

'Where were you, you asshole. I been so fucking worried about you. Even your family think your dead.' Maybe that was a bit harsh, but my anger has been built up for too long, and now it's roaring out of me like a dragon. He winces and turns away from me. The colour is draining form his face. The only colour now left is the red mark my hand left. His face shows no emotion.

'I missed you so much Em.' This infuriates me. The dragon boils up again and comes spitting out of me.

'You missed me? Then why the hell did you leave, where did you go, is that what I think it is? Why did you leave me alone?' The dragon dies suddenly and it leaves me alone and defenceless bare like Wendy's white pages. My eyes start swimming with tears and I look away from him. I hear him sigh and sit on his bed. The bed creaks and it seems to swallow him up. In a low and quiet voice he answers me.

'I left because you were the only thing keeping me, and I stuffed that up. I went to Neverland. It is a fairy, her name's Bella by the way. And I had to leave, Peter asked me to.' He says it all so quietly, like he's asking me to forgive him. My brain has officially gone haywire. My brain just made me believe that he said that he went to Neverland. But he said that that was- is- a fairy, is that true or not.

'Cam, did you just say what I think you just said?' His head is hanging. He brings his hands up to his face and gingerly traces the mark I have made. Only then do I feel slightly guilty over what I did. He nods.

I slide onto the floor, feeling the soft floorboards beneath my feet. I don't know what to do, and I get the feeling that neither does he.

_I send you nothing but love_

_Just wait and see_

_I send you nothing but love_

_Just wait for me_

_wait and see..._

_wait and see..._

_Right words, you know all the right words to say_

_You don't have to mean them my way_

_We don't have to mean all we say-Beth Orton: Whenever_

**A/N: **I'd just like to say a couple of things about this chapter and the chapters to come. This chapter. I don't know whether it's true that they only wait 72 hours, I made that up, and anything else that doesn't make sense just say so. The next couple of chapters will be slow coming because they're the end chapters and I don't know what's going to happen in the end yet!

I'd like to thank all my reviewers, but I heard somewhere that you can't thank them in chapters. So I'd just like to say a very quick (but full of meaning) thankyou!


	14. Alone

_In the rain_

_Walking slowly_

_There's a light_

_In your apartment_

_I don't know why_

_I ache for you_

_And it's alright if_

_You're undecided or_

_If you're scared_

_That you might like it or_

_If it's true_

_I ache for you_

_There's no rhyme, and_

_There's no reason_

_You're the secret in the back of my skull_

_There's no logic_

_So please believe me_

_That love's confusing,_

**Alone**

**Cam **

I watch her; I watch her start to understand. Understand the reason I broke it off. Broke something off before it started. But you can't have an end without a start, right?

'That's why it felt so final,' she whispers. I can see her brain ticking over as she makes all the connections. She looks at me, hurt filling her eyes.

'Why didn't you tell me? I would have understood.' I should have expected the question, but it still stunned me.

'I couldn't because I swore not to.' She nods and stares off into space.

'I thought you were dead. I felt so lost. Like I didn't have a place anywhere. I was so scarred.'

I've never felt so guilty. All I want to do is hold her close. I don't know what to do, or what to say. I don't know what it's like between us now.

She sighs and gets up, moving towards her bed. Her bed, I realise, is where I'm sitting. Her arms come around my body, as she gives me a hug. I sigh, and am about to rest my head on hers, when I feel a very painful tug on my hair.

'Argh!' I say, and turn from Em who is looking at me confusedly to find a very angry Bella making some very rude gestures.

'Bella, she is not an ugly…' I notice that Em is looking at me with wide eyes, 'She is not what you say she is,' I say to Bella sternly.

'We have to go, NOW!' she tinkles angrily. Her blond curls shake as I see her body start to set on fire.

'Umm…' I say, grabbing Bella and chucking her out the window. 'I'd better go then.' I don't want to leave her. Not yet at least. But Bella will be highly offended if I don't get a move on. But then again, I just threw her out the window, so she probably is already.

Em looks up at me frantically. 'No, please Cam. You can't leave yet. I don't understand. Please don't leave me yet.' She winces slightly at her words, and I know that it's only because she sounds so desperate.

'I can't-' I say, and then it dawns on me as Bella comes back to me. She knows now, and that was the only reason why I didn't get her to come with me before. I give a strangled cry as Bella yanks my head back once again, I can't help but wonder at her amazing strength, for a fairy at least.

'Why don't you come with me?' I ask once I have recovered from the strong fairy's blow. 'Why don't you come to Neverland with me?'

A little sparkle appears in her eye and a small smile tickles her lips. Then it is all gone and her face frowns.

'I can't, what about mother?' she says, walking back to her bed.

'It's all you've ever heard about. It's fantastic Em. Just come, you don't have to stay forever. Just stay, like… like a holiday.' The sparkle returns and the half smile, the smile that I have loved comes to her lips.

'Are there mermaids?'

'More mermaids than you could ever imagine. And you have to meet the Indians.' Her smile is full now. 'Come away with me. Come away with me to Neverland.' I know as well as she does that it's a quote from our own grandparents.

There is a slight hesitation behind her eyes, but I watch as she takes note of it, and then brushes it away. She grins, and takes my outstretched hand. It's hard to imagine that it was all so easy, but I know from the look on her face that she's still not sure. I'm sure she's just jumping at the chance to go to Neverland

'Do I need anything?' she whispers with excitement. I shake my head and take a very angry (I now notice) Bella, and shake the fairy dust over her. I don't need to tell her anything, because she's already off, pulling me along. She gives me a sideward glance and laughs. She does a tumble turn in the air, and I'm impressed. She's a natural. But I'm not jealous, instead I feel proud. I don't worry about Bella. The story won't go the way it did before. She'll grow to love Em just as I do.

_----_

_But it never gets dull_

_It's getting late_

_Anticipation, and_

_If we talk_

_Communication, and_

_Then you'll know_

_I ache for you_

_And yes sometimes_

_It's just desire,_

_Another problem that you_

_Really don't want,_

_But anyway,_

_I ache for you_

-----

I wake the following morning to find Em's head resting on my lap. I try to think of how she got there and remember the awful event. I flinch as it comes back to me. I stroke Em's hair, making sure she's asleep. Then I pick her up and take her to the bedroom. I place her lightly on the bed and glimpse at the slim belly that peeks through her shirt where it has risen. I pull it back down and leave the room. I wander about and try to make some sense of what happened last night.

We had arrived in Neverland; I wanted to show her everything. All the details, every nook and cranny. But as soon as Em first laid her eyes upon Neverland she fell. Hard and fast. I didn't notice until it was almost too late. I powered to the ground after, and then watched with displeasure and fear as she disappeared through the trees. I sped off after her, but I couldn't see her. Finally I spotted her in the distance, falling. Her body limp. I wouldn't make it in time. I saw the Indians rushing out. They caught her. _They _caught her. Not me. I couldn't save Em. They laid her down on the ground. Then they disappeared through the trees yet again.

They knew that I was there somewhere. They had enough empathy to know that I didn't want company. I took her back to the tree house. She stirred as we entered the house, but I couldn't face her waking just then, so I sat her down on the handmade couch. She had curled up against my body, half sitting half lying on me. She had felt secure there. Then I had listened to her even breathing, and had somehow fallen asleep.

With that thought leaving me I return to the present. I stop pacing the kitchen and go back into the bedroom. She's still sleeping. Her back is now facing the wall, and she'd rolled up into a little ball. I rest myself on the doorframe, watching her. I walk to her and lean over to her ear.

'I'll never let you fall again, I'll always be there to catch you.' I kiss her forehead and then leave the room again. I leave a quick note for her and go flying.

_There's no rhyme, and_

_There's no reason_

_You're the secret in the back of my skull_

_There's no logic_

_So please believe me_

_That love's confusing,_

_But it never gets dull_

_I ache for you_

_And I'm tired_

_I'm so much wanting_

_And what if_

_Don't even think it,_

_But why not?_

**Em**

I wake up hearing a voice in my ears and a soft brush of something on my head. 'I'll never let you fall again, I'll always be there to catch you.'

What had that been about? I hear footsteps leave the room, so I open my eyes. The place that I see is shocking. I'm in a hut, a hand made one. It's amazing, honey coloured wood make up the walls, with murky moss in between the cracks. The occasional burst of light seeps through it. I look around my room and smile seeing that everything is hand made. The bed even, and the mattress, made of material that I can't identify. The sheets too are made by hand when I look closely at them, the stitching old and crooked.

I run my hands along everything, taking it all in. I smile and leave the room, just in time to see Cam fly out the door. I sigh, I really wanted to talk to him, about what's between us now, and I don't understand how we can go from being… I don't know where I'm going. I just really want to talk to him about how things are with us.

I walk to the table (made of old oak by the looks of it) and see Cam's messy scrawl on a leaf of some sort, it seems to do the task of being written on well.

_Gone to pick some fruit, be back soon, definitely before lunch. If your hungry just go down stairs, it's actually only one or two, anyway, I think there's still some bread there. – C_

I can't help but think that he really is a son of a doctor, he writes like those messy scrawls on prescriptions. I wonder at how he found the leaf, and knew that it would be good to write on, and then it all clicks, Cam has been here for a while, that's how he knows. I pick up the leaf and read the note again. There's a downstairs? Where am I, I thought I was in a hut. I really want to go exploring, but just as I think those thoughts I see writing on he other side of the leaf.

_DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE THE TREE HOUSE!_

Tree house, I'm in a tree house. Well fan-bloody-tastic. Did I forget to mention to Cam that heights and me don't match, and that I have a serious case of vertigo? Maybe he's just joking around. I walk to the hole in the wall that is obviously a window. I stick my head out, actually I don't quite manage that because I shut my eyes and bump into the wall. I swear to myself and then feel an awfully large bruise coming on. I try again and stick my head out, closing my eyes only when I know I'm going in the right direction. I take a big breath and look down. Then I open my eyes. I shriek at the sight before me. Not only did Cam forget to mention that I was in a tree house, but he also forgot to mention that THE TREE WAS THE LARGEST TREE IN THE UNIVERSE! Although that's exaggerating a bit as the trees around this particular tree are the same size as this one. I stick my head back inside and take a big breath. There's no way I'm going outside. But I get caught for a moment, as I am about to turn away from the frightful window, and immerse myself in the beauty of Neverland in the early morning.

Butterflies flutter in and out of the tree branches, as though teasing them just for fun. The early sunshine demands notice on the messy floor, and the flowers sway in and out of it's luxurious light. I smile as I see birds of all colour chase each other around and around as though they are dogs chasing their tails. I laugh a little and come a tad closer to the window.

'So you've come to terms with the shock of it?' I almost jump out of my bones as I hear Cam's voice disturb the peace. I turn to face him and embarrassedly cover my face with my hand.

'You scared me out of my wits.' He smiles at me and puts a basket down on the table. I can see from here that it's filled with all sorts of different fruits.

'You scarred me out of _my_ wits when you screamed as loud as a siren.' He laughs a little but I don't join in.

'Well, you could have told me that we were in a TREE HOUSE Cam.'

'Yeah, yeah, I would've heard you completely fine if you hadn't yelled. Besides I thought you would have liked it, what do you have against it?'

'I have vertigo!' I hiss at him and storm away from him to make my point. Which I succeed in doing until I hear Cam start to say something that doesn't get finished as I fly down a hole of some sort. I tumble to the floor, somersaulting and banging my head. I look around me and see a room much like the one I just left, although it is dirtier and darker. Dust outlines everything. I sneeze alarming the dust and moving it around.

I have my head turned when I feel hands go around my stomach as I am lifted up. I turn back to see Cam in front of me, his eyes dark, flying up the hole. We come out into daylight and I blink slightly. Cam moves away from me.

'Please don't go down there again,' he tells me, his voice hoarse. It's not a request; it's a rule that I have to follow. I frown a he starts to walk towards the bedroom. I stand for a moment, feeling alone. A feeling I thought I left behind me when I left England. I stalk into his room.

'Cam don't you dare do that to me,' I look at him. He's lying on his bed, his shirt is off. I resist the temptation to stare at his well-built body and fire a death stare at him. 'Don't you dare drag me away from England and take me to a place I believed I wouldn't be alone in, and then let me find that I am alone, and a long way from home.' My voice is too quiet, he can tell that I'm really pissed, I can tell from the confused expression on his face that he wants to ask what I meant, but he knows me well enough to know not to.

'I'm sorry, I'm not used to sharing my feelings with other people.' I shake my head and storm out of the room.

I walk to the kitchen bench and lean on the sink. My hands are shaking. I'm really pissed. More pissed than I thought I'd be over this. I'm losing control. I take a shuddering breath and look out the window. I'm not caught by Neverland's beauty this time. I just want to escape. My eyes brighten. I want to explore.

I walk to the front door and open it smiling as a breeze twirls around me like a gymnast and her ribbon. The sunlight twinkles in among the trees. I stand admiring the view.

I feel hands slowly go around my stomach gently. Cam rests his head on my shoulder. He's bent over I can tell. He's still shirtless; I can feel his body pressing against mine. My voice gets stuck in my throat.

'I'm so sorry Em, I didn't want you to feel that way. I don't want you to feel that way.' I don't make a sound. I don't think I can. He rests his head so that his lips are almost touching my neck. It takes everything for me not to tilt my head back in pleasure.

'I didn't mean it the way it came out. I guess I just stuffed up, I just can't stop thinking about last night.' I feel his body tense as he speaks of it. His voice is vibrating my neck. My eyebrows knit together.

'What happened last night?'

'You can't remember?'

'No, should I?'

'No, I guess not. You fell unconscious while you were in the air.' I know there's something else to the story, but I don't mention it because I can feel that his body is getting anymore relaxed.

'Oh, okay,' I whisper and look back at the surrounding beauty. He pulls me closer and relaxes. We watch the sun creep over the trees.

'So why were you angry with me in the first place?' His body immediately tenses again and I regret saying anything. He steps a little back from me.

'That was Peter's home. The place where he lived before he left.' He goes to move away but I grabbed his arm.

'Thankyou for telling me,' I say and then settle back on his chest. He sighs and we both start watching again.

----

_It never gets dull_

_I ache for you- Ache For You: Ben Lee_

_-----_

**A/N: **Sorry about it taking me so long to write this chappie. I actually finished it a while ago and it had the fight in it. But then I thought that I might loose all of you as readers because I might be repeating the same thing over and over. So I wrote another chapter that wasn't as good so I thought I'd just post this one no matter. Just stick with the story a little longer, it's almost finished. Thanks to all my reviewers, you really were the ones who helped me finish this chappie!


	15. Forgotten Beaches

**Em**

I chew on a cherry thoughtfully, letting its juices explode into my mouth. The sensation makes me laugh out loud. My memories are jerked back to a time when my father was around.

We had gone to visit him in Australia where he was working at the time. I remember the smell of him as I had jumped into his arms. He smelled of salty sweat and fresh air. I absorbed him, taking note of every little hair, and every inch of skin. I etched it into my mind. I was so young then, I must have been about four. I didn't know that it might be the last time.

I remember how he drove us to the house that his work offered him. He told me to look at the scenery, but I couldn't, my eyes were on him. Watching as he changed the gears, moving the car along. His house was on the top of a hill, which was surrounded with hills like it. He lived in a small town near the coast, about four hours south of Sydney. It was close to the beach. I can remember plenty of the house. It was yellow outside and the front door and the back door were only a hedge apart, and the side door was what I would have called a back door. The deck showed an amazing view of all the beaches, showing the gums at their best. I remember that there was three bedrooms. One green one-my dad's, a pink one-the one I slept in, and the guest room, which was also green.

I remember going to sleep with two pillows. One under my stomach and the other, of course, under my head. One night, I was restless. I couldn't get to sleep no matter what. My father came into my room sighing. He held up my swimmers and said: 'Let's go to the beach.' So off we went in the pitch-black night. When I come to think of it, it was probably only about nine. We went to a beach and as soon as I saw the waves I was scared. But I was with my dad so I felt safe. We didn't go in that night. We just sat on the dry sand and watched. He held me and I inhaled his special scent, the scent that no one else had.

**Cam**

I watch Em as we both sit on the branches of the tree. She smiles to herself, her eyes squinting in the sun. She gazes out into the distance and I can tell that she's in her own world. In the day and a bit that she's been here, she's managed to cure her vertigo. I think the flying helped. After we had lunch yesterday all she wanted to do was go exploring. So we had spent the day meeting everyone and seeing everything. She made us stay flying among the trees until midnight.

I watch her again as she takes a bite from another cherry coming back to the real world. She notices me looking at her and smiles back at me.

'I've got a place to show you,' I say and grab her hand. I plunge off the branch and she shrieks. She'll never get used to the flying business. I laugh at her. And take her up to the clouds. Jumping on them. I tip her.

'You're in,' I say and then jump away. She shakes her head as if to say, you'll pay for that, and then speeds after me. She bangs into me, knocking flat onto the ground.

We sit still for a moment or two. She is lying on top of me, her head barely an inch away from mine. This moment is the one I have been dreading since she came. What will she do, what will I do?

I feel the foreign, yet at the same time all too familiar faster beat of my heart.

'Tip, you're in.' Then she's off me and flying away as fast as she can. As though the tension in that moment didn't exist. I love the way she can do that. If I tried on my life I'd be dead a long time ago. I try to make out where she's going, but I have no clue.

Suddenly she powers towards the ground. For a moment I think she's falling again, and I put on an extra surge of speed. I catch up to her, and relax as I see her smiling controlling her flight. I turn to the ground where she is headed and see a familiar beach. I can't quite place when I've been here before. We touch down together.

I see the footprint and immediately know exactly where I am. I set off at a run and hear Em beside me. I know just where to go. I see the small girl's footsteps appear beside mine and hear Em gasp. I smile to myself.

I head towards the largest sand hill. We reach the top and together we roll down it.

**Em**

We stay on the beach for hours, jumping of the sand dunes and rolling down the hills. We laze about for a while, bathing in the sunlight. I'm wearing my old white sundress, and am glad. Somehow I feel like I won't get sunburnt in this heat, and it seems that Cam doesn't think so either. We talk, we talk like we used to. I love it. I close my eyes and listen to him.

I hear him rustle around a bit and open my eyes a slit. He's taken off his shirt. Specks of sand cluster on his chest here and there.

'Look, the sun's setting.' I open my eyes and take a look at the sky, it's absolutely breathtaking. I sit and watch it for a moment and then have a brilliant idea.

'Lets go for a swim.' I jump up and take off my dress forgetting that I don't have my swimmers on underneath, only my undies and bra. I shrug my shoulders, it doesn't really matter does it, they're all the same.

I can feel Cam's eyes on me as I walk to the shore. I turn back to face him.

'Come on strong boy, too scared to get a little wet?' That gets him up quickly, and before I know it, he's charging at me.

His hands go around my waist as he lifts me, running into the water. I shriek and shout kicking and squirming about. He throws me into the water and I gasp. The water's a good temperature I resurface and quietly swim towards him. He has his back to me. I go underneath the water and spot one of his ankles. I smile to myself and grab it, tugging it so he falls into the water.

We come up laughing. We swim around for a bit floating in the water. I try not to stare at his body. I can't help but wonder at how tanned and strong it is. I float on my stomach, glad that at least today I am wearing a bra that doesn't go see-through when wet. It's red, my favourite bra in fact.

I bring my arms up behind my head. I love floating. There's something so relaxing about it, something about gazing up into the sky while relaxing in the water that I find extremely soothing.

I stare at the pink clouds above my head. I'm glad I came. If only for a little while. It's been fun being with Cam. My cheeks begin to flush as I think of what happened on that cloud this morning. I shake my head with embarrassment. I can't believe that happened. I don't know what would have happened, or what could have happened. And I didn't want to hang around long enough to see.

I sigh as I hear Cam duck under water. I close my eyes and think back to that day in the nursery. Something that I made myself never remember. That helped me get along with life. Just as giving up helped Cam's family.

But now he's here.

I bring my hand up to my face and rub my eye self-consciously.

'Keep your hand over you're eyes and come with me,' I hear Cam whisper over the water. I smile as I feel his hand slip in mine, but loyally keep my hand over my eyes.

With his hand still entwined with mine, he comes along behind me and holds my waist, steering me into shallower water. I feel my feet hit sand and I begin to walk.

He lets go of me for a second and I feel really disorientated. I sense material going over my head and realise it's my dress. I put it on, keeping my eyes clamped shut. I feel Cam lightly place my arm around his neck, then let out a little shriek as I feel myself being hosted up into his arms, so he in carrying me.

'Shhh,' He says while laughing.

Then I feel the most strangest sensation in the world. I feel as though there in no weight anywhere. It takes me a while to realise that we are moving somewhere, but Cam isn't walking. He's flying, I notice finally.

I feel the gentle bump as we touch down. He lowers me carefully to the ground. He whispers in my ear, releasing me from my shut eyes.

What I see amazes me. I smile a secret smile. It has become dark now, and the stars alight the night. I look around me and see that we stand on the tallest sand dune, which has been overgrown with a forest. I smile as I can see the moon reflection the water below.

I turn to face Cam.

'This is beautiful,' I look back out to the water again. He drapes his arms around my body.

'Beautiful for a beautiful girl.' Our eyes meet, and I am surprised to find that neither of us look away. He lets go of me, and I find myself wanting his warmth back, but he still doesn't break eye contact.

'Would the beautiful lady like to dance?' I immediately blush, but it's not because of the compliment. I break contact with those deep brown eyes and look down at my feet.

'You don't know how do you?' he says, his voice slightly comical.

'Hey, don't laugh you, remember how you're talking to.'

'Oh, I'm sorry Your Majesty,' and with that grasps my hand and brings it to his lips, but pauses just before he touches my hand.

'But Your Majesty, what will you do for the ball?' he mocks me.

'What ball?' I say superiorly, although a smile remains on my lips.

'The ball in which the fairies are holding in your honour.' He mumbles something under his breath that I can't hear.

'Well, I'll just have to refuse to go,' I say with a little flick with my fingers, indicating that the conversation was over. But Cam gasps.

'But Your Majesty, you cannot, you simply cannot refuse a fairies ball, especially if it's held in your honour. That's like, like refusing chocolate when you haven't eaten any in three years!' he says absolutely horrified.

'I don't like chocolate.' A smile tickles his lips.

'Oh yes of course, it must have been my bad eyesight misinterpreting you when I saw you gobbled down that mars bar when we were at the wharf.'

I huff, giving up, and he grins. He takes my hand and places it on his shoulder while he takes the other in his hand. Then he places his hand on my waist.

'Don't worry I am a man, I have to do all the work, you just follow my lead.' He flashes me another smile and then starts counting.

**Cam **

'One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.' Over and over. I start with a simple waltz. Personally, I think she was lying the whole time, she's doing fine. But as soon as I think those thoughts, she steps the wrong way and almost bangs into me.

She looks up at me embarrassedly. I smile down at her and continue dancing. She rests her head on my chest and I feel my heart start to quicken it's beat. I just hope she doesn't realise.

Having her this close to me is really having an affect on me. I can smell the salty water covering her body. I look down her back and see her shapely body through her dress. I really need her to get away from me, if only for a second.

I turn her and she smiles, turning and turning. She lands smoothly and we continue dancing. She places her head back on my chest and I lower mine on top. I close my eyes and let my thoughts go.

We dance for minutes like that, letting the moon reflect on our wet bodies. Then I push off the ground so we are flying together, while dancing. I smile and I turn her again, but this time she isn't ready, so when she comes back, she smashes into my body. Her other hand lands on my bare chest and I can feel her breath become quicker. My heart pounds and I feel us lower slowly towards the ground, our feet lightly come to the ground once again. I look at her hand on my chest, then I look at her. She lifts her head up gingerly.

Our eyes meet. That was a bad move. I tilt my head down towards hers, also a bad move. She tugs faintly back, but she doesn't try hard enough. I know that there was no meaning behind it.

She takes her hand from where it rests in mine, and I mourn the loss of its warmth. Instead she places it on my cheek, brushing away a piece of hair. She leans her head ever so slightly towards mine and that's all the invitation I need. I close the gap between our lips.

They barely touch. I feel and hear Em inhale sharply. My breath escapes me as she delicately moves her hand from where it is on my chest around to the back of my neck.

She lightly pulls me a little closer, sealing the small slit between our bodies, and pressing my lips more securely on hers. I angle my head towards the side and slid my other hand so it is firmly pressed on her back.

I feel her smile as my tongue steps with hers. She removes her hand from my cheek by sliding it up into my hair. She twists her hands in it and I weave patterns on her back. We take two steps forwards so that her back is resting on a tree. My hand lies on her thigh and I feel her leg bend and wrap itself around mine.

**Em**

He caresses my leg and electric shots shoot up it. He tears his lips from mine and starts kissing a line from the corner of my jaw down to the bottom of my neck. I crane my neck up to the sky in desire, watching as the moonlight reflects on his back. My hand rests on the back of his head, buried among his hair.

His lips return to mine and we kiss in passion yet again. I slide my hand down his back, feeling his muscles in his wet body, while my other loops around his neck playing with the hair at the nape.

He moves his hand around my back to my waist while his other creeps higher on my leg. He pushes my dress higher and that's when I have to stop him. I clutch his hand and unwind my leg from his. He releases me from his lips and looks at me.

'Am I going to fast?' he breathes. I merely nod, as I don't think talking is an option. He backs off a little.

'Sor-' I break him off by kissing his cheekbone, and then the corner of his face. Our lips meet again, but this time awful thoughts penetrate my head._ What if he leaves, like they all do? _A frown etches itself on my forehead. The little unfair voice in my head comes back to haunt me. _He's done it before hasn't he? He left you, like they all do, what happens if he does it again. _

I gasp and pull away gracelessly. Cam notices the frown situated on my face, and frowns at it. He brings his hand up and strokes the frown, as if trying to wipe it away. I flinch at his touch and a hurt expression deepens his frown.

'What's wrong?' his tender voice almost makes me flinch again. I slip out from his grasp and take a step away from him. So I know my boundaries. Pain carves itself on his young, handsome face.

'I'm sorry, I can't do it, I just…' a lump comes to tease me in my throat. I try to make it go away, but I'm fighting a loosing battle. 'I-' my voice cracks and I look down at the ground.

'What?' Cam whispers softly, as though he can't believe his ears, and I'm pretty sure he can't.

'I can't put my heart on the line, I don't want my heart to break because I'm not sure I could piece it back together again.' My voice surely breaks this time, and tears force themselves to make an appearance, but I don't let them, I stubbornly keep them there at the bottom of my eyes.

'What?' Cam asks again. His eyes are and I can tell that he's not just confused, but thoroughly hurt by what I just said. Anger replaces my sadness as I become frustrated that he hasn't understood me yet.

'Everyone always leaves me Cam! I can't go through with it again. First it was dad, and then Wendy, but I guess not before I slowly but surely lost mum. And then, you, you left me. And as much as you may think it was nothing, it _was _something. I couldn't bare losing you again, so please excuse me from trying to protect myself.'

And with that I turn my heel and sob my heart out as I fly off, not watching the disappearing figure of Cam.

**Cam**

I stand in shock, watching her disappear. I take in what she has just said, and let it absorb to the fullest, swirling it around in my brain. She's afraid of loosing me? Never have I felt so hollow, and finally, Neverland reacts to my feelings. A storm boils as the sadness in me does too.

I gape horrified. Tears have filled in my eyes. But I never cry. I wipe my eyes with frustration. But to my dismay, a single tear trickles down my face. I stand in shock for a moment. Then quickly search the skies. I gasp. There it is.

The droplet of water threatening to embarrass me. I have to catch it. Then no one will know. I power towards it, catching up.

My feet touch the ground as I come right under the drop of water. I hear a sob and look down at where the sound came from. It seems to be from a huge leaf, one almost as big as me. I shake my head. I have come across many things in Neverland that seem unnatural, but never something this weird. I look back at the droplet of water, it's coming. I hear another sob and find as I look down that it isn't coming from the leaf, but underneath it. I look back at the drop again, but find in horror that it is no longer in the sky. Then I hear the sound that makes me wish that I were deaf.

A splat. I look down and see water running down the leaf. With the weight of the water it bobs up and down and I get a glimpse of what is beneath it. It's Em.

She turns and sees me. I reach my hand out. She takes it silently. I take her in, but am soon clung almost violently by her. She hugs me as though she is grasping for breath, and I hold her. Sobs fill her chest and I can almost feel the pain as it all comes out. I stroke her hair and whisper in her ear.

'I will never leave you Em.'

She stays quiet, as though thinking. She steps away from me and studies my face.

'Do you promise?'

'Yes.' Then it starts to rain. Not sad rain, but happy rain, the moonlight shines through the water. I see the fairies come out towards us. Soon they are surrounding us.

Suddenly Em screams, loud and long. She clutches her head, her face twisted with pain. She says silent for a moment and her eyes widen with shock.

'CAM!' she screams grasping for my hand. But it doesn't reach it, and suddenly she's falling. Falling and I'm in the wrong place to catch her. I rush to her, but I'm to late. To late to catch her before her head hits the hard ground. She was unconscious before she hit the ground, and I feel pain fall over me unlike anything that I've ever felt. My right hand starts glowing, and I see Em's does too.

I hear the fairies behind me gasp in shock. For a moment I think it's just from our hands, but I look up and see a boat on the horizon. I know as soon as I see it that it's a boat that will cause trouble. And as I see the sails flap showing me that my thoughts were right.

Because the owner is supposed to be dead.

Because the boat is the Jolly Roger.

**A/N: **Okay, you all have every right to kill me. I swear I had no intention of keeping it away from you for so long. I'm not particularly happy with it, so you have every right to complain. I'd just like to say a special thanks to Auriela who managed to pull me out a terrible writer's block with a beautiful line said by Em. Thanks to all my other reviewers I love your support and probably wouldn't have been able to come all this way without you!

**p.s**. Oh, I'm not really sure if the rating is right for this particular chapter so just give me a yell if it's not.


	16. The Fight

**The Fight**

**Em**

My head slurs side to side, and I feel nauseous. I keep my eyes firmly closed. I have a pounding headache, and have no energy. I hear the sound of water lapping on the side of something. Something made of wood. I don't think of it too long, it hurts too much. Rough hands grab my body and hurl me over something, a shoulder. I still don't open my eyes, I don't have any energy, and I have the feeling that the sight before me may make me throw up.

I'm put back down again and stumble as the land seems to tip sideways. I fall onto my hands and knees and stay catching my breath. It's not too long before they give up too in exhaustion and my face falls to the ground.

'That's right girl, fall before me,' a raspy voice whispers. And then everything disappears.

**Cam**

I look at the destruction before me and stand gob smacked. How could this have happened? I stare at the empty bed that used to have Em's unconscious body in it.

I look at the chaos that used to be my home. Things are upturned, dirt scattered in every which way and that.

I look at the tracks, the two Indians I had standing guard put up a good fight, I wonder what became of them. I don't think Hook would have killed them yet; he would have killed no one. He knows they aren't the fair rules, but then again, he's never played by the rules before.

I think of Em, in here state when I last left her.

I had carried her from where she had hit her head to the tree house. A storm had started raging and the fairies had surrounded me to protect me. I had arrived and the fairies went to fetch their healers. Em's head was bleeding badly and it seemed that by the second she paled and grew colder. I stayed while they treated her, holding her hand, thinking of the way she had screamed my name in pain. I shake my head, frustrated. Anger boils inside me.

I give an aggravated sigh and stand up. I pace the room, not bothering to take care. I throw my hands up and kick the chair beside me, hard. Pain shoots up my leg. Then I run, hard and fast, out the door and into the wilderness, I fall towards the ground, but then catch myself and power towards the bay where the Jolly Roger it anchored.

I hear a tinkling behind me. Bella appears beside me. She's angry.

'Don't do it,' her small little voice rings out. I stop and turn to her.

'Why the hell not, for all I know she might be dead!'

'Then if she is, don't put her name in vain and get yourself killed as well!' She places her hand on mine a small gesture for a small creature, but it calms me all the same.

'We might as well be a Romeo and Juliet,' I say bitterly. She shakes her head.

'She's not dead Cam. If she were you would have felt it. You felt the pain she had when she hit her head, yes?' I nod, bewildered by what she knows.

'Well that means that you have a connection, a connection deeper than love and affection, a connection that is even stronger than blood. We do not have a name for it, all we know that it is very powerful.' I nod, well that makes sense, but then my anger grows again.

'But what if that monster hurts her?' I spit venomously. Bella looks shocked for a moment at my emotion.

'Then you will go and save her as you should.' She comes to sit on my shoulder and strokes my ear somewhat reassuringly.

**Em**

The next time I wake I find myself lying on a bed. The place I am situated on gives a violent jerk just as I stand up, and I find myself falling to the ground. My head still throbs but I realise now that I am on a boat. I look at the room around me. My mind focuses on a particular corner where swords lie on the wall above it. Suddenly another picture melds into the one I am seeing. About half a dozen boys materialize before me. They have been bonded and struggle. Two of them look very familiar. They take no notice of me and focus on getting themselves free, squirming on their knees.

I get up and walk to them but as soon as I take more than a couple of steps they fade into nothingness.

I rub my eyes. I must be seeing things. I give my head one final shake before heading out the door.

'Smee, check if the girl is awake,' a cold voice says. I stand in shock for a moment as I make the connection to the voice, the boat, everything. It's Hook. But he's dead. I frown, nothing makes any sense. Where's Cam? How long have I been here for? Questions bombard my brain, impatient for answers. But before I can think, my feet and mouth disobey my brain.

I step out into the open and face Hook.

'The girl is awake, she wonders if the man knows that she has a name?' I snap. Hook looks shocked for a moment, and then laughs. His ice blue eyes do not get the joke. They stay in they're cold cavern eyeing everything.

'My dear, you are just like your Grandmother, she was quick witted too. But she soon learnt her tongue, as will you. Now go with Smee to your room, there is more to come for you yet.'

Smee walks with me taking me to another part of the boat. I fire questions at him, ignoring the stares and wolf whistles coming form the other pirates.

'How long have I been here?'

'Only three days Miss.' I can't help but think that Wendy described him perfectly as a scared nervous old man.

'Why did you take me?'

'I'm sorry I can't tell you that.' After that he become closed off. The rest of the journey is set in silence and soon he opens a door to show a bedroom.

'The Captain will be for you soon.' Then he backs out the door and leaves me with his echoing footsteps.

I turn. A girl in a white dress slumps on my bed. My breath escapes me. It's Wendy as a child. I stand and my feet grow roots. I can't move, I don't want to ruin her. She fiddles with the hem of her nightgown. Then we hear heavy footsteps. Her eyes darken with hate. I look as the door opens and Hook barges in. I glance back at her, but she has disappeared.

'Who are you?' he demands when my attention is back on him. Spit flick onto my shoulder and I glance briefly at it, disgusted. I stubbornly don't answer him.

'Are you not who he is in love with?' he shouts, blasting me out of my bones.

'He should have come by now, Pan never thinks! He acts. Where is he?' he yells turning on me. I crawl into a little black hole which I do not remove myself from. He realises that he has hurt me. Tears well in my eyes, and I refuse to look him in the eye.

'What's this? A tear. You couldn't have had a fight with your precious Pan? Does he not love you?' That stung. He raises his hand to wipe away the tears but I yank my head away.

With all the strength I can muster I spit in his face.

'Don't talk bout things you don't know about.' Then I turn my heel and don't look back.

'Oh, little princess that is no way to talk to me. Don't worry; I shall loosen your tongue tonight when we dine. You are to wear this gown.'

'I would never wear your clothes.' I call over my shoulder. He chuckles softly.

'It that or nothing my dear,' then he leaves. I loathe him for all eternity.

I enter the room that Hook has sent me to. I'm wearing the dress that he selected for me. As expected it is very low cut, made of a scratchy black material. It has no sleeves, and though it is almost as long as to touch the floor, I feel frozen.

There is one thing I have learnt while waiting in the room that I was locked in. My dreams have become my reality. I can see what happened to Wendy at the same time I see what is happening to me. It's odd staring out a window and seeing on sight fade into another.

I see Hook, he is pacing the room. He sees me, and indicates for me to sit, while he still stands. I am weary of him; I do not know his intentions. He fiddles with things, he can't stand still for a moment. It when he starts pacing again that he finally cracks.

'Why has he not come for you?' he growls.

'What has Cam done to upset you so much?' I ask. He's very angry, he stalks about waving his hook every which way and that. When he is silent I realise that he will not tell me. What ever it is though has really got him into a panic. With a sudden recognition I know what this is about.

'He's training isn't he?' my mouth drops open and my face spreads into a smile. Hook doesn't reply, he doesn't need to. I can see the disapproval on his face.

'He's worrying you, you worried that he may be stronger than you.'

Silence.

'You had the advantage when you took me, you were prepared for him. But now he has had time to prepare. And you are equal. Your afraid!' I challenge.

He storms across the room and hits me across the cheek. I feel white hot pain streak to my cheek and I'm sure there is a hand mark.

'You'll do well not to speak to me like that Emmaline.' He grabs me by the ear and yanks me out of the room. He drags me to a leaky room where everything has been removed. I struggle against him, but his hold is too strong. He chains my legs together and attaches the chain to the wall like a lead. Then he clasps my hands together and locks them to a chain which hangs from the ceiling. The chain is long enough so that when I sit, they are loosely held above my head.

'That should hold your tongue missy.' And then he turned and thundered out the door, locking it behind him.

I thrash about trying to force my way out of the chains. I keep it up for a while, before my energy drains away from me and I fall to the floor with a thump.

**Cam**

I know the moment when we run out of time. Pinau my trainer in fighting is pushing me to my max. He has been my trainer since this mess started, he's improved me greatly. With the help of him and the others I have become what they say Peter was.

Hook does something to Em. I can feel it. Pain shoots up my face and I feel like I've been smacked.

I feel Pinau's eyes on me and I turn to him. He points silently at my arm, it's glowing brightly.

'It's time,' I say, then go to get ready for the battle.

**Em**

I sit half awake and half asleep in a state that leaves my mind jumbled. I hear the voices again that woke me.

'He is coming Capn',' I hear the softy murmur of Smee.

'He is, I thought he'd never come.' My heart soars at the thought of Cam coming, then immediately the feeling is replaced with fear. Fear that he will die, leaving me in the hands of Hook.

'Yes Capn', what are your orders?'

'Get the girl and bind her wrists. Then set her on her plank. He will have no prize if he kills me. Ah look the storm comes with him. Good the more chundering waves the more likely she is to die.' Then footsteps disappear into the distance.

Strangely I am not afraid. At least I will have had this adventure. Cam will not have the distraction of me, he will not remember me. All I can think of is mother. She won't react very well. She'd lose all that she loved, Wendy and I. I can't help but wish that I had told her where I have been, then she wouldn't worry. But I can't think of that now.

A pirate, one of the strongest, comes to me. He unlocks the door then steps into the room like he owns the place.

'Don't struggle,' he has as he comes towards me, his voice a low grumble, 'it will hurt less.'

'It may hurt less, but it will be closer to my death,' I say and when he unlocks my legs, I struggle violently. I take a step before kicking right where it hurts.

'You will pay for that little one,' he groans, bending over the injured part. I try to wriggle my hands out but he just laughs at my attempts.

Then he punches me in the stomach. Winded I stop and he uses the opportunity to unlock my wrist, and then bind them together with a piece of rope.

Then he holds up a dirty rag, and soon my vision evaporates. He leads me out the door, and although he is leading me, I still feel completely distorted. I feel like I'm walking on a slant, it doesn't help that he doesn't tell me when to dodge walls.

I arrive at where I am meant to, and he pushes me to a sitting position. I have never felt more abstract in my life. The boat keeps tilting, making me feel sick, and I hear the chatter of the pirates slowly become louder.

I feel the blindfold slip a little, and I put my chin on my chest, and peep through the crack at the top. What I see shocks me. All the men sit on the ground in a muddled order before me. Before I can dawdle to long on it, someone calls out.

'The mask has slipped,' and suddenly everyone is rushing forward to tighten the blindfold. When it is so tight that I fear my head will explode, they let off.

A hand squeezes my shoulder and I feel myself being turned around.

'It will be a real pity to see you go, my lady, but then it will be so fun,' I recognise the cold drawl of Hook and immediately feel sickened. 'Step,' he whispers to me. I glide my foot along the ground til it comes to the bump of wood. I step uncertainly.

'Gentlemen-' I scoff. I can feel the death stare he gives me, and all the other men. 'Gentlemen, I give you Miss Emmaline Darling.' They whoop and cheer, and I feel something sharp poke me on the back of my leg. It's a sword. I stumble forwards feeling whatever ground I am on, unsteady and rock up and down when I finally regain my balance.

I feel the edge of the floor, it doesn't come very far. I do the same to the other side. I swear under my breath. I'm already on the plank, I could have killed Hook, except I'm in an awful position.

I brush my feet over the ground; stopping each time I get to the edge, making sure that I stay right in the middle. I come to the end of the plank and almost loose my balance.

'Hurry up!' I hear a pirate grumble. I feel the poke of the sword again on my back, pushing me forward. I curl my toes under the wood, and give a shriek. But I don't fall. Then two bad things happen at once. A pirate volunteers to do something, I miss what. I hear him stand, then walk to the plank.

Then suddenly a huge gust of wind comes at the same time his foot stamps onto the plank, the end result being me falling.

It is the exact feeling of that when you are almost asleep. And then you fall. Fear panics in you and you feel sick, and then you wake and you find the bed there and everything's alright. Except this time things aren't right, I'm falling towards the sea.

Wind whooshes past my ears. I brace myself for the icy water, but it never comes. Instead I feel myself fall into the arms of someone, we move at a fast speed across instead of downwards. I let out a breath as my blindfold is removed. I see Cam looking down at me, as though checking me for injuries. We come to the side of the boat, and he pushes me against the rimming, leaning against me so we flatten against the boat.

'Did he hurt you?' he asks.

'Captain, there was no splash.'

'No, no splash was heard, how do we know that she made it down?'

Cam swears, then twists, diving into the water.

'Ah, there it is Smee, no one can outsmart Hook.'

Cam resurfaces and shakes his head like a dog. Quietly he flies out of the water back to where I am. He wraps his arms around me in a fierce hug. I don't care that he is freezing cold, I just care that he is here. I nuzzle into his chest and hold him close. He moves the hair covering my ear and whispers into it.

'Did he hurt you?' I smile weakly.

'More my pride than me.'

'Then what about this,' he says in concern, touching my stomach where the pirate had punched me. His cool touch soothes it. I look up confused.

'How di-' he holds a finger to my lips.

'Not now, lets fight Hook.' He hands me a sword. 'Do you know how to use it?'

I smile, I'd never thought I'd be in this situation before. I merely look at him and he gives a little grin.

'Don't worry, just always protect your body, the Indians will come soon.' He takes my hands and we start to float toward the boat deck. He squeezes my hand and turns towards me.

'Just leave Hook to me okay?' I must have looked murderous because he gave a little chuckle. 'I'll give you some of the credit.' Then he plants a swift kiss on my lips then we step lightly on the deck. The pirates have gone on with the work, they don't even notice us.

'Hide behind that,' he whispers pointing to a half open door, 'wait for the Indians to come, I'll distract them.'

And so I wait, glancing at the water every so often. Soon they come. I make sure that the coast is clear before walking over to the window and opening it. The throw up a rope and I tie it strongly over a handle. Then one by one they come up. Whatever Cam is doing must be very distracting, as we hear no word from the pirates. Soon we are ready. They all carry a sword, some also have another type of weapon. One of the leaders takes me aside, and goes through a couple of moves with me. We do it silently, like shadows.

Then we here a very loud crow call. The leader nods at everyone. All up there is only about fifteen of us. There is only the sound of my thumping heart. We move over to the door, and stream out of it, calling war cries. I laugh at the chaos before me. Cam surely does have everything in an uproar. There are pirates running around crazily. Hook stands in the middle, his eye on the skies. Everything stops as they notice us, then we are all fighting. I am singled off by a weedy looking pirate, too thin to be of any proper strength. I knock his sword away with one sweep, and he holds out his hands out in defeat. I give a little laugh, and bind him to a mast pole. I turn away from him laughing, and see Hook staring from the top of the stairs. He doesn't know it but behind him Cam stands. He raises his sword, but I can't see the rest as my pirate, the one who took me to the plank stands before me. I know that this will not be a very fair fight.

Soon I find myself punching and kicking him from a place on the ground. His forearm goes around my throat as he hauls me into a standing position. He pushes my face so that I am staring right at Cam.

'Your pretty little boy isn't doing so well,' his gravely voice tells me. As he mutters these words, I see Cam sink towards the ground. Hook is on a platform, laughing as he watches Cam. With one swift move Cam's sword lies on the ground. With a thump he falls with it.

'No!' I scream.

**Cam**

I poke him in the back with my sword. Coughing doesn't seem an option.

'Looking for someone?' I ask in all innocence. He growls in response. The fight has begun. I bow to him, as does he, although I never take my eyes of him, he is a sneak, that I know.

The first clash of our swords doesn't do much, but as the fight wears on I can see that we are both tiering. I leap into the air. Time for a bit of taunting.

'Is that all you have old man?' I ask as he tries to swipe at my feet.

'Play fair Pan unlike your precious grandfather,' he says with force. He's panting. I can't help but give myself a pat on the back.

'Have you ever played fair?' I say flying over his head and landing on the ground. He whirls around only to see my sword in his face. I dart around, half in the air and half pacing the ground. He looks stumped at my question.

'Why you… how… you!' he splutters. I quickly tear at him, but he has one more poison against me. I fly to the top of a mast and he quickly follows, scrambling up like an overgrown monkey.

He stops on a little platform and stands up facing me. Our swords quarrel with each other as they move like barbers vigorously clattering, clanking and clashing about. They lock with each other and he pulls me towards him.

'Look at her Pan, can you see her.' Oh I see her all right. She is fighting a loosing battle with a man twice as big as her.

'What are you going to do? You live in separate worlds now, you can't be together.' That hits a spot. He seems to know what my thoughts were as I stood and watched Em in her unconscious state. I had worried that exact thing.

'We'll find a way!' I say yanking my sword from his grip. To make my point I slice at his face. A small slithering snake of blood slinks down his forehead. He grimaces.

'But she will have to go home soon. She belongs in England with her mother. What will you do then Pan? You now belong here in Neverland.'

It's then that I know that I have lost the fight. I sink a little in the air. Happy thoughts, I think desperately, but I now that that won't work. She was my happy thought.

'I'll visit her!' I try desperately. He laughs a little at that.

'But slowly the time away from her will become longer and someone else with replace you.'

'Never!' I say and swing my sword at him. It is way off target.

'Soon she will only think if you as a childhood adventure and want nothing to do with you.'

'No!' I cry out. How could I have fallen into this fatal trap? Any energy I have left seeps through my body and I lower dangerously towards the ground. I catch myself a little before I get too close to the ground.

'Then she'll want nothing to do with you and she'll forget all about you,' he spits venomously. With one fast blow I am falling to the ground. Everything stops as I clumsily clump onto the ground.

'No!' Em screams. My knees give way and I fall to them. I look up at her and see anxiety thrown across her face. The man she had been fighting is holding her. In fact all the Indians have been captured. She struggles against her bond. I feel a searing pain in my cheek and the sound of a sword past my ear. Hook looks triumphant as he raises his sword. He uses the hilt to push me to the ground. I give one last look at Em.

'I'm sorry,' I mouth to her. She whimpers and a tear falls faintly from her cheek. My hand starts burning with energy.

'Prepare to die Pan,' Hook says. And I do prepare. I ready myself. There's no way I can get out of this one. All the things he said about us are true. With that thought I almost sink into the ground further.

I look up at Hook on last time and see him raise his sword. Then my arm moves at its own accord. I look down and see it glowing brightly. Next to it is my sword. I grip it tightly in my hand and once again look over at Em. She has had her mouth covered by her pirate and looks absolutely sick.

Hook cries a scream of joy as he drives his sword downwards. I quickly look up and see his sword coming down. With my last strength I hurl my sword into his chest.

The sword hits, as does his, a bit off target. My arm burns with pain that I am unable to describe. I hear Em gasp and look up. The colour drains from her as she screams, her whole body shaking in pain. She collapses as I see Hook and his crew disappear.

**A/N: **So another cliffy. Hope you enjoyed and it all made sense. Thankyou to all my precious reviewers you reviewed the last chapter!


	17. Our Last

**A/N: **Wow, this has had to be the hardest chapter of all to write. It's the last so you all know. Unless you think I should write an epilogue. And I do have one planned. It's weird, signing off this chapter, knowing that it will be the last. I never thought I'd finish it. Thank you all for your reviews and the support that you have given me. I know this is really corny and everything, but I'd like to make a little acknowledgement to Maddie, who I started this for, and Thea, who I finished it for. Enjoy.

**Our Last…**

**Em**

My body starts shuddering and pain plunders through my body like a poison. I scream long and hard. My vision goes and I find myself lost between half seeing and not. I see the sword run deep into Cam's arm, and watch him look at me, his eyes filled with pain. The darkness takes over and I'm filled with more pain then I could ever imagine. But as fast as it occurred, the pain suddenly stops. A blinding light replaces it, making my squint and my temples give a throb.

I see a shadow outlining of a person. A silhouette of a close friend. I don't know who. She speaks.

'Em,' her voice brings tears to my eyes. It's Wendy. I take a shuddering breath and take her all in, watching everything, but not taking my eyes off her.

'It's all right. Don't be afraid Em.' The kindness in her voice has tears streaking down my face. But something's different. We come to a silent agreement, and I know that she's let me go. These headaches will stop occurring. But I need to do something to. I need to let go too.

It amazes me at how only a look from Wendy can make me interpret that. That understanding of what I have to do makes me cry out. I don't feel ready to let her go yet.

She comes to me and holds me tight. Murmuring calming words into my ear. Finally I release her and she gives me one last piece of advice.

'Cherish your time with him Em, you never know when it may end.' Then she places her hand on my head and whispers, 'I'm so proud of you.'

And then the light disappears.

-----

I wake. I can feel warm heat covering my back and wrapping around my stomach. A soft light creeps onto my eyes and they flutter open. I'm in the tree house. I look out the window and see a very weak sun amongst cloud and gloom. I look closer and realise that it's spitting with rain.

A cool breeze blows across my shoulders and I snuggle closer to the heat. It holds me tighter.

I turn and see Cam sleeping. I notice his arm and wince; it's a thickly bandaged arm with blood staining it slightly. I look down at my hands and see them intertwined with his. I unclasp my hands from his and try to wriggle out of his arms. I hear footsteps and stop. A kind voice follows.

'Lady, I think it not wise for you to get up. You are still very weak. You should rest a little.' A black hand comes towards my face and brushes over my eyes as I close them.

'There you go. Now sleep.'

**Cam **

I wake feeling a stiff and utterly sore arm. I really can't be bothered to open my eyes, I feel as though I have no energy. Warmth is coming from in front of me, covering my body with heat, leaving me feeling quite content. Then the heat stirs and I snap my eyes open in shock. The warmth is Em I realise as I see her breathe in and out. I have my hands wrapped around her. I gingerly remove them and slide out of bed.

I wince as pain shoots up my arm. I look down and grimace. The bandage that is wrapped tightly around my arm is soaked through with blood. I walk out to the kitchen and see two old Indians pottering about making odd smelling things. I can tell by the way they hold themselves that they are considered wise. As soon as they see me they come bustling towards me wiping their hands as they go. One helps me to a chair while the other goes back to get a paste of some kind. They rather vigorously unwrap the bandage and clean the very deep gash out with pure water.

They chatter amongst themselves, and don't really give a damn about what pain their teasing has cause me. When I wince, they even laugh. I learn that I shouldn't, as it gives no sympathy.

They slap the paste on and it immediately starts stinging. They set about at work and I look away. The sight isn't very pleasant.

They finish and I look down to see my arm bandaged yet again, and slightly numb. I thank them, and then drag my feet to check on Em.

I stand wistfully looking in the doorframe. Em is tangled in her bed sheets and lying on her side facing the door. She shivers in her sleep and I see goose bumps appear on her bare arms. She stirs and absentmindedly puts her hands to her stomach. She gives a little jolt and opens her eyes. Not noticing me she rolls over to the space where I used to be. She gasps and rolls back over slowly.

She smiles with relief when she sees me and swings her legs off the bed. Her hand immediately goes to her temples. I take a step towards her, but she holds up a hand indicating me to stop. She gets up slowly, her legs a little wobbly. She takes a step and falters, stumbling. I rush forwards and catch her before she falls. I help her up. She takes one look at me and bursts into tears. She lets herself into my arms and I hug her protectively.

'I feel so useless,' she murmurs into my chest. I stroke her hair, willing her to continue.

'I hurt everywhere and I can't stand or walk, even thinking hurts.' With that she bursts into another set of sobs. I walk her back onto the bed and sit down with her head still buried in my chest.

Later, much later, when Em has gone back to sleep, I stare out the window. The very window that Em screamed from at the top of her lungs. It's pouring with rain. The Indians tell me it's been like that since they took me from the Jolly Roger.

It's odd how beautiful Neverland looks, even when it is absent of the clear skies and the never-ending sun.

I realise something as I stand facing Neverland bobbing up and down in the rain. Em will eventually have to return to England. It is her home. But I, this is my home now. So whatever we do, we won't be able to see each other. Nothing could happen with us. You can't go out with a person who lives in a different world. Hook was right. Em, no matter what she wants, will eventually steer away from me.

So with these thoughts, I do the only thing I can. I walk back into the bedroom, wrap my arms around Em, and stay for a single night. The night that will be the last that I am with Em.

-----

I don't know how long I lie there, wishing for her not to wake up. Maybe she was already awake. But this was the day that I had to tell her. Any other time I wouldn't do it.

She turns, not shocking me; I'd thought she'd been awake. She wraps her hands around me.

'I'm really sorry Cam. I have to go home, I have to see mum.' My throat clamps at these words. This is it then. This is the end.

'I know Em.' I look into her eyes, and I see pleading, for she knows what is to come.

'Come with me Cam,' she whispers.

I shake my head. God this was so much harder than it had seemed to be twenty-four hours ago.

'Please, we can make up a reason why you weren't there-' I shake my head again, this silences her. Tears well in her eyes and I look away.

She moves away from me, getting out of bed, and all I want to do is scream at the space that she has put between us. Her back is to me, closing herself off. I swing myself around to a sitting position and put my head in my hands.

'Your parents…' she drifts off seeing me shake my head again. It's hard, knowing that I won't be able to see them again. Almost too hard to think of. It'd be like they died or something, and the thing is, I don't want to forget them. I'll be dead to them, and they'll be dead to me.

'Don't you love me?' she whispers trying again. Barely loud enough for me to hear. But I understand anyway. Her voice is full of hope.

'What would be the easiest answer?' She gives a strangles sob, but understands immediately, knowing what she wants to hear, and what she should hear are completely different. My view has nothing in it at the moment. She knows it already.

'Are you serious about this then?' she asks, whipping around to face me. I look at her quizzically. 'Are you serious about throwing your life away? Are you serious about throwing it all away?' Her voice is loud and full of hurt. I know what 'all of it' is. It's us, our relationship.

'Em, it would never work!' I say standing up in frustration. 'I can't come back. My place is Neverland. And as much as you don't want to, and as much as you may believe it won't happen it will. You will move away from me, there's nothing to it.'

Her body concaves, it looks as if she is huddling within her body.

'Won't you give it a try?' she whispers. I walk to her and place my hands on her cheeks.

'What would it be like going out with a guy from a different universe.'

She doesn't cry she just grasps to me like there's no tomorrow. And in ways, there's not. At least for us.

So I will take her away from Neverland, from me, to England, and will take her in for one last time. We will make all the arrangements needed, and I will give her one final kiss. Then will jump from her window, knowing that tomorrow, I will break two hearts.

_This is our last goodbye_

_I hate to feel the love between us die_

_But it's over_

_Just hear this and then I'll go_

_You gave me more to live for_

_More than you'll ever know_

_This is our last embrace_

_Must I dream and always see your face_

_Why can't we overcome this wall_

_Well, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all_

**Em**

'Tomorrow,' he whispers in my ear. His body pressing into mine, our hands clasped near our faces.

'You'll be there?'

'I promise.' I sigh.

'You didn't keep your last promise,' I whisper.

'But I couldn't miss this one for the world.'

I slipped my hand out of his and wrapped my arms around his neck, his making a python grip around my waist. Fiercely we hang onto one another. Neither letting go, nor wanting to.

Finally I lean my head back a little so that I can stare deeply into his eyes. I feel enchanted by the sadness seeping back into my eyes.

'Would you kiss me if I asked you to?'

'It will only make tomorrow harder.' He rests his forehead on mine.

'Isn't it already hard enough?' We stay silent for a moment.

'Will you kiss me?' I whisper to him. It's not fast or urgent like our kisses were before. It is soft. Cam looked me straight in the eye, before slowly lowering his lips to mine. The tears that I had kept back for so long escaped from their prison. They erupted from deep inside me.

Our lips part and Cam wipes away the tears. Then he kisses the corner of my mouth. He steps back a little taking me all in, looking at me with those eyes that I can always loose myself in. He absorbs me, then stops looking, focusing on the corner of my lips where he just kissed.

'It's gone,' he says sadly stroking it with his thumb. I know immediately what he is talking of. My hidden kiss. I take his hand and curl it into a fist.

'It's yours to keep,' I say smiling. He looks at me.

'I have to go now,' and with that, he gives me one last hug before walking to the window.

'Tomorrow,' he whispers, and then flies off into the distance.

_Kiss me, please kiss me_

_But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation_

_You know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time_

_I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye_

_Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,'_

_And did you rush to the phone to call_

_Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind_

_Saying maybe you didn't know him at all_

_You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know_

We stare at each other. We are at the wharf. No words have been said, we just arrived. I'm as nervous as hell, blood is pumping in my veins as loud as possible. I just want this to be over, but at the same time I want it to never end.

I look at everything about him, taking him all in, not letting a single inch of him escape my memory. I memorise the way his hair flick to the side at that angle, and how he has a fleck in his eye, but not in the other. He takes my hand in his, and I look down at them, entwined together. That's how we are meant to be. Together. I watch our hands in envy as his thumb strokes mine.

'I'm sorry,' he says, and looks down at our hands as well. That's all he really needs to say. There's nothing else. There's nothing else you can say in this position, you're stuck.

'Promise you won't look back?' I know what he's talking about but I don't feel ready.

'Ready?'

I give one single look at his grave face and nod. Our hands separate.

'Goodbye,' I whisper, and then we both turn and walk away.

But something in my neck itches and I give a quick look over my shoulder, my eyes find his and I stop. He does to. A moment is lost as we stare at each other, then in unison we walk back to where we were.

He opens his arms and I fall into them. Wind whips around us but we don't break our bond. He kisses the top of my head and slips a note into my hand.

'It's an address, keep it.' Then we part.

He leans down and gives me a peck on the lips.

'Goodbye.' He touches the corner of my mouth. 'Don't look back this time.'

We turn and walk. This time I don't have that itchy feeling, but a feeling of loss. Because when I do turn around, his eyes aren't those that I meet. It's the back of his head. So I stop, and watch him. A tear falls onto my cheek as I look at the sight of my love leaving me behind. Leaving me with only an address and the remains of his memory.

_Well, the bells out in the church tower chime_

_Burning clues into this heart of mine_

_Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories_

_Offer signs that it's over... it's over...over_

_- Jeff Buckley: Last Goodbye _


End file.
